Under the blessing of God, I was brought up by pious parents, and trained in the fear of the Lord, in the belief of and reverence for the Holy Scriptures, in strict morality, and taught the necessity of the new birth. My mind from childhood, was subject to deep conviction, which caused me sometimes to pray. But though I felt that all was not well with me, and a great change was necessary to prepare me for heaven, and was sorely troubled, by turns, yet I knew not what to do; for all my prayers and every effort I could make appeared fruitless. And Satan--though I knew not then from whence it came--was continually suggesting, to my mind, that I belonged to a class that would be lost, and therefore prayers, tears and strivings for religion were to no purpose.

      When sixteen years old, I attended a meeting, and feeling great distress of mind, in view of my spiritual condition, I went forward with others to the anxious seat. After praying and laboring with us for a while, one of the preachers said to me, "Sister, God has blessed you: your sins are forgiven; just believe it, and go in peace." Thinking that the preacher understood my ease, I gave over the strife, [182] and for a while remained comparatively easy. But not having a satisfactory evidence of my acceptance with God, or the pardon of my sins, and finding I had only been "daubed with untempered mortar" (Ezekiel 13:10-16), by degrees I became more troubled and distressed than before. After this I attended a camp-meeting, and presented myself at the altar, when Satan again foiled me in my attempt to seek the pardon of my sins.

      My trouble continued to increase, until about four weeks after that meeting, when my dear pious mother was brought to pass the chilling waves of Jordan. I had doubtless long inherited her earnest prayers, in answer to which the Spirit was continually striving with me. And now, while I gazed at her dying countenance, on which rested a placid and heavenly calm, I thought, O that I were in her place, and as well prepared! and if I am to be lost, why not as well now as ever. Just before she expired, she uttered a long moan--I thought, that is my mother's last prayer for me. No tongue can describe my feelings at that moment, and for two weeks after. My younger brother, who was particularly dear to me, came to see us in a short time, and mingled his tears and lamentations with mine, over our departed parent. And when he was about to leave us, I presented him a piece of her cap and shroud, and with tears, which almost choked utterance, we bade each [183] other adieu. I spent many sleepless nights, on account of concern for my soul. Sometimes I thought I was bodily sick, and tried some cordials, but in vain, for it was sin-sickness.

      But now my burden was so great, I could hold out no longer. I fled to the corner of my chamber, foil upon my knees--and if ever a poor soul prayed in earnest, I think I did. And as I prayed, my burden rolled off, like that of Christian, in the Pilgrim's Progress. When I arose, my distress was gone, and though not in raptures, I felt a heavenly calm, and peace unknown to me before. I felt indeed like a new creature, and everything wore a new and pleasing aspect. It was peace with God, through Jesus Christ--peace in my heart--and peace with all mankind (Romans 5:1).

      Since that time I cannot doubt that the Lord has done great things for me, whereof I am glad. And I have found it good to serve Him, and sit together with His people, in heavenly places. I heartily love His cause and people; and the Bible, through the Holy Spirit, is a constant source of comfort, and a guidance. All I have to regret, is my shortcomings in so good a cause. Pray for me, Christian friends, that I may finally overcome through the blood of the Lamb (Revelation 12:11).

[THW 182-185]