From my earliest recollections, I had a desire to be good, and suffered much secret anguish on account of my sinful condition. Often, I would ask myself, Will I be saved? and among many childish means I resorted to, to obtain an answer, was picking up a pebble, and throwing it at an object, saying, "If I hit that tree, I shall be saved; if not, I shall be lost." Years passed, in which I grew less anxious, until I attended regularly at divine service among the different denominations. I was most particularly benefited by the plain, practical and persuasive preaching of Elder James Mackey, at Shippensburg, Pennsylvania. At a revival there in 1840, I presented myself for prayer, but without any deep feeling. The revival extended to Orrstown, and at that place also I offered myself for public prayer, night after night, but while others appeared to be made happy, through pardoning grace, I remained unfeeling, unexcitable.

      A sense of duty determined me, however, to go on seeking God's blessing, and to practise piety as well as His grace aided me, resolving never to become a backslider. One evening, deeply absorbed in [55] prayer, I suddenly experienced a peculiar love toward the people of God. This I was told was a sign of a change of heart. But, O what unbelief and blasphemy disturbed my mind! Nevertheless, through divine aid, I remained fixed in purpose. Moving slowly and quietly, attending the ordinances of God's house and trying to serve the Lord in every particular, one after another my burdens rolled away! Many hours have I spent on my knees, with the open Bible before me, seeking the will of God.

      For sixteen years I have tried to be a Christian, and now stand a witness for Jesus. I have passed much mental distress, caused by unbelief and a want of self-knowledge, but I ever had a contempt for cowardice and broken allegiance, which still keeps me true to my Master, in the worst temptations.

      The highest aspiration of my soul is, that when I die, I may "sleep in Jesus," to "awake in His likeness" "in that day."

[THW 55-56]