Malines and Misselden, two Marchants of Great Brittaine, do seuerally declare their Opinions touching the Decay of Trade, and the Causes of the vnderballance of their Natiue Commodities with the Forraigne, which were brought into that Kingdome.
Apollo bewrayeth their misery, and commands a further enquiry to be made of the Causes.
Pon a grieuous Complaint made before his sacred Maiesty, as he deliberated with some grand Statesmen of England for the restoring of decayed Trade, certaine Marchants experimented in the Art of Commerce, offered their seruice to discouer those secrets, which they vnderstood of in that kind. Apollo commended them for their respectiue care and duty, in tendring themselues so voluntarily like honest Patriots to succour their diseased Countrey; And bade them seuerally to deliuer their knowledge. /Gerrard: Aa (1)/ [Marginal Note: Vices and decayes of the Kingdome,] Gerrard de Malines first related his Opinion: That the wealth of a Kingdome could not decrease but by three manner of waies, viz. 1. by the transportation of ready money, or bullion out of the same. 2. by selling their owne Commodities too good cheap. 3. or by buying forraigne Commodities at too deare a rate, and that in the inequality of one of these consisted the one ouerballãcing of Trade, like the fortune of an House-holder, whose ruine and downfall may be foreseene and foretold if he continually buyeth at the dearest rate and neuer sels. [Marginal Note: The Canker of Englands Commonwealth.] As contrariwise he is obserued to thriue, if hee sels, and seldome buyes. Then he shewed, that Money, which ought to bee the square or measure of a Kingdome to set a price vnto euery thing, and therefore in permutation and Exchange among Marchants it was termed Par, yet lately this Regina Pecunia, this Queene of the Republick, was vnnaturally sold to be deflowrd by some of her neerest kinsfolkes; who not looking into her beauty, nor regarding the finenesse & waight of her metall, as politicke Exchangers ought to doe, but altogether carelesse of their Countries good, they bargained by bils of Exchange to pay or receiue moneies for Commodities, as the Money is valued in other parts transmarine. If the price of Exchange bee there high, where generally our Marchants are the deliuerers of money, then they must giue much to haue their Moneyes made ouer, whereby the gaine of their Commodities being formerly sold, is clipped. And yet most commonly they giue no more then the value of our money is; for the money, which they deliuer there, is according to the toleration by them /receiued: (2)/ receiued at high rates farre aboue the value, and in the same manner payed out. But when the Exchange goes high, our Marchants buy Forraigne Commodities, or barter theirs for the same. Wherein they lose, in taking these at their forraigners owne Prices; and their natiue Countrey suffers for it at their returne together with the Marchants, the one in selling deare, the other in buying deare. So that our home Commodities are abated foure manner of waies by the abuse of this Exchange. 1. by scarcity of Money, which maketh things good cheape, occasioned by the Exchange. Secondly, by the gaine sought vpon Money, which otherwise would be sought vpon the commodities. Thirdly, by a high Exchange with vs, which causeth men to deliuer that money by Exchange in nature of Trade, which otherwise might be employed by some vpon the Commodities; as likewise by a low Exchange, which causeth exportation of our Money. Fourthly, by the rash sale of our Commodities by young Marchants, or Factors, that are driuen to pay Mony taken vp by Exchange heere in England, thereby spoyling the Market of others. In like manner to make this probably seem true, Malines manifested, that Forraigne Commodities were raised and enhanced foure manner of waies. First, by plenty of moneyes out of our own Aore transported into other Countries. Secondly, by a high Exchange beyond the Seas. Thirdly, by the toleration of moneyes beyond the Seaes, to goe currant farre aboue their value. For by the alteration of moneyes, the price of Commodities doth alter also. Fourthly, for that the principall Commodities /of: Aa2 (3)/ Veluets, Silkes, Fustians, &c. are ingrossed by the Bankers that sell them at their pleasure, our immoderate vse giuing them the greater cause. By this meanes hapens an ouerballancing of outlandish Commodities with those of our owne Countrey, which also carries away out of this Kingdome fiue hundred thousand pounds a yeere at the least, when wee are thus enforced to giue both money and our home Commodities for Forraigne wares at a most excessiue rate.
[Marginal Note: The Circle of Commerce.] Edward Misselden a learned Marchant vtterly misliked Malines Par in Exchange, saying that there were two manner of Exchanges, the one Personall, the other Prouinciall, & that it was not possible that the Personall, which respected only the Contracts made betwixt priuate men, or party & party, should so much preiudice the Common-wealth, vnlesse there were an inequality in the Prouincial Exchange betweene our Kingdome and other Neighbouring Kingdomes or States. The losses whereof, as also of the Personall, could not be known, vntil the returnes thereof be made, that is, vntill the Forraigne Commodities were brought in for the natiue Commodities carried out, and then both cast into the ballance of Trade, to be waighed and tried the one against the other. For if the home Commodities carried out of the Kingdome, doe downe-waigh and exceed in value the Forraigne Cõmodities imported & brought into the Kingdome, it is a signe, that the Kingdome growes rich and prospers, because the ouerplus must needs come in in treasure. But if the cõtrary chance, that the Forraigne Commodities brought in, doe ex- /ceed: (4)/ ceed the Natiue in value, it is most certaine that the Stocke of the Kingdome wasteth, and that Treasure goes out of the Land. To discerne this, there is no surer way then by the Customes, wherein the goods of this Land exported & imported, being multiplied by twenty, will appeare; for of euery pound there is twelue pence for Custome. As for example, wee find to our great griefe, that there were brought into this Land of Forraigne goods by the Customes for the same payd, and thus multiplied by 20. for one whole yeere from Christmas Anno. 1621. to Christmas 1622. The totall Summe of 2619315l.00.00.
The totall Summe of goods carried out of the Kingdome, frõ the said Christmas 1621. vntill Christmas 1622. amounted to 2320436l.12s.10d. which lamentable president sheweth, that there was more that yeere brought in of Forraigne goods, then carried out of the home Commodities by the Sum of 298878l.7s.2d.
By this positiue forme of a Ballance truely made and taken out of the Custome-houses, our State may see how we are falne into a great vnder-ballance of Trade with other Nations, & that it is high time now or neuer to looke about, before wee bee driuen to a narrower pinch. The causes, in two words, of this ouer-ballancing, is Prodigality and Pouerty. The one brings in by Excesse of Forraigne goods into the Kingdome an ouerballancing, The other by the Defect and hauing too little from their partiall Mother, keeps our Trading backe in vnderballance.
Apollo sighed at the relation; and all his Court which fauoured the Protestant Religion, both /out-: Aa 3 (5)/ outwardly and inwardly demonstrated great heauines for this Decay of Trade in Great Brittaine, that in the dayes of peace vnder a Religious King, this vnder-ballance should happen, and openly protested, that Peace consumed more men and goods in that Kingdom, then all their Warres with Spaine and Tyrone. Likewise, his Maiesty said, that if the Noble King Iames had not betimes raised the Iacobus piece to twenty two shillings, and his other Gold to the like proportion, other Nations had by this time attracted all the treasure of this land vnto themselues, and that the riotous flaunting in Apparell with their prodigall Feasts, did helpe to vnder-ballance their Trading, which together with many other abuses crept into that State: hee wished some of the Inhabitants, if they had any feeling of their Countreyes smart, should present without delay or partiality.
Apollo causeth a Iury to be impanelled out of the Nviuersities of Oxford, Cambridge St. Andrews, Aberdine, and the Colledge at Dublin, to find out those persons which sold Ecclesiasticall Liuings.
The Presentours discouering some, bring them before Apollo.
His Maiesties censure, with his discourse of the Right of Tithes.
APollo perceiuing, that one of the chiefest causes of the miseries which perplexed Great Brittain, /proceeded (6)/ proceeded from Simony, and the enforced Periury of some Ministers, who being driuen by meere necessity, were faine to accommodate themselues to the iniquity of the times, caused about Whitsontide last. 1626. a Iury to be impanelled of the precisest Preachers in that Monarchy, viz. sixe out of the Vniuersity of Oxford, sixe out of Cambridge, sixe out of St. Andrewes, sixe out of Aberdine, and the like number out of the Colledge at Dublin in Ireland. 30. in all, integros vitae scelerisq; puros, men of vnattainted liues, and pure from notorious vices. These his Imperiall Maiesty appointed to enquire of such Patrons, as presumed directly or indirectly to play the Marchants, and sell those worldly meanes, which God himselfe had allotted to his earthly Angels, towards their maintenance and wages, in labouring to reduce his astrayed flocke to their true Shepheard. Ouer this impanelled ranke he placed D. Raynolds, a man of very austere Conuersation, so temperate in his affections, that hee made choise rather to bee Head of Corpus Christi Colledge in Oxford, then to become a Bishop, which the famous Queene Elizabeth offered vnto him. About ten dayes after, the Inquisitors returned and presented the names of 40. Patrons, and so many Ministers, which had truckt and bargained for Benefices. Likewise they presented, that 6. Widdowes, whose Husbands had coped and giuen 4. yeers purchase for Benefices, were ready to starue, some of them hauing seuen or eight children lying on their hands: And that before the first fruits were satisfied, without receiuing one penny for their purchase, their poore Husbands died. /Apollo (7)/
Apollo moued to Commiseration, to see the wretched estate of the Church brought to this wofull plight, said, that it was no maruell all things went to wrack and ruine in that Noble Iland, when the Patrimony of the Church became a prey and pillage to Marchandizing Greedy-guts. For how, (quoth he) can vertue harbour in their hearts, when the Rewards of vertue are rauished, embezeled, and turned topsy turuy? This inequality compelled many braue Spirits, desperately to runne into the gulfe of discontentment. This made Campian, Parsons, Harding, Stapleton, Creswell, Dallison, Garnet, and infinite others to forgo their natiue Countrey, and betake themselues to the Seminary Colledges in Doway, in Valladolide, Ciuill, Rome, and other Popish places. After these speeches, his Maiesty ask't the delinquent Patrons, what infernall fury possessed them to wrong the Ministers the selected seruants of their Heauenly Father? Why they forced them to buy their owne Right and due? The Patrons answered, that they held a hand ouer the Aduowsons and Ecclesiasticall liuings in their gifts, aswell as ouer the impropriate Tithes. Both which being wrested and extorted by the Clergy-men themselues heretofore in time of Popery, towards the Religious houses, belonged as a lawfull spoile vnto them for ridding the Land of such Lazy Lordanes & Abbey-lubbers. Likewise, they alleged, that they could not support their magnifique Port and pompe, without making sale of such Benefices, as were in their donations. To this Apollo replied: Though yee haue beene tolerated to detaine the impropriate Tithes, /dare: (8)/ dare ye aduenture to take money for those Spirituall Liuings, which appertaine not vnto you? Dare yee againe deuoure the forbidden Fruit? Could not the many examples of them, which felt the Stroke of Diuine vengeance for purloyning of forbidden Wares, terrify your mercenary minds? Achan, for the wedge of Gold and the Babylonish rayment, was stoned to death. Gehezi, for receiuing the two Talents and the change of garments from Naaman, was strucken with Leprosie. No ill gotten goods can long thriue with any man. Male parta, male dilabuntur, which yee might obserue by the Crane in the Embleme, which hauiug a wrongfull prey, could not digest it. [Marginal Note: Alciae,] As in like manner it befell to an Eagle, which snatching a Coale from the Altar, fired her nest therewith. Famous are the destructions of sacrilegious persons in all ages. Of Heliodorus, who was scourged by an Angell, for seeking to rob the treasure of the Temple at Ierusalem: of Pompey, which tooke away the Golden Table out of that sanctified place; of the Galles, which spoyled the Delphicke Church; of Cepio, who robbed the Church of Toloza, that gaue an occasion to the Prouerb, Aurum Tolozanum, which proued fatall to the takers. Although these two last serue not so fit for our turne, because they were Heathenish, yet in as much as they portend fatall success, Malom to the rakers of Church goods, let men feare to share in Sacred things, or in any Commodity annexed to the Spiritualty.
But now-a-dayes yee are not content onely to exact of the poore Ministers such vnreasonable prizes, but yee must get some by humane reasons /and: Bb (9)/ and vnwarrantable authority to iustifie your Acts, straining their ouerfluent wits, to proue the Word of God, to become mutable in matters of Tithe, for the confounding of which leprous opinion, I will now conuert my speech vnto you, my learned Courtiers: Be it knowne vnto you, that Tithes are due to the Clergy Iure Diuino, before the Law, by the Law of Moses, and vnder the Gospell. [Marginal Note: Gen. Cap. 14.; Heb. Cap. 7.] Before the Law Abraham payed Tithes to Melchisedech, euen the tenth part of all which he had, as the Authour to the Hebrewes explayned. Hee payd Tithes as a temporall Prince to a spirituall Prince. But now vice versa, contrariwise the spirituall person is constrayned to pay Tithes to the temporall Parsons. The Patriarke Iacob made a vow vnto God, that if hee would bee with him and keep him in the way which he should go, giuing him bread to eat, and rayment to put on, he would surely giue the Tenth vnto him. [Marginal Note: Gen. Cap. 28.] Whereby it appeares, that the Tenth is still reserued by the Law of Nature, imprinted by the Diuine character in mens hearts before the Law, as a certaine and vnchangeable portion to the instruments of Gods glory, his sacred Ministers. [Marginal Note: Leu. Cap. 27.] Likewise by the Ceremonial Law, All the Tithe of the Land, whether of the seed of the Land, or of the fruit of the Tree is the Lords, it is holy vnto the Lord. And the like Tenth was alotted of their flockes of Cattell. [Marginal Note: Num. Cap. 18.] All which God bestowed vpon the Tribe of Leui for their paines, care, and maintenance in attending his seruice. [Marginal Note: Mal. 3.8. &c.] The detayning of these Tithes afterwards from the lawfull Owners, procured the curse of God vpon the Land of Iewry, as the Prophet protested: Yee haue robbed /God: 10/ God. But ye say, Wherein haue we robbed thee? In tithes and offring. Yee are cursed with a Curse, for yee haue robbed me, euen this whole Nation. Bring then all the Tithes into the Storehouses, that there may bee meat in my House, and proue me herewith, saith the Lord of Hostes, if I will not open the windowes of Heauen, and powre you out a Blessing, that there shall not bee roome inough to receiue it. By the Morall Law vnder the Gospell, where our Sauiour reproued the Pharises Hypocrisie, it appeares how iniurious a deed it is to keepe the Tithes from the rightfull Proprietaries; when the Pharise iustifieth himselfe with this point, which the English Patrons would countermaund, I pay Tithe of all that I haue. [Marginal Note: Luke Cap. 18.] The which the Diuine Wisdom liked, as he had told the Pharises before, that those things ought to be done, and not to leaue the other vndone. Neither let them colour their Promethean thefts, as [Greek], as theeues of the Godhead, by abrogating all the lawes of Moses, as if they were all void at the comming of Christ. For those onely were annulled, which stood for types and figures of his Incarnation, Passion, and Resurrection; as Circumcision changed for Baptisme, and the Feast of the Passeouer, for the Feast at Easter. Some other petty things appropriated to that Nation, in regard of their hot Climate and natures, are also abolished. But for the lawfulnesse of Tithes payable to the reuerend Clergy, it was neuer questioned for these 5000. yeers and vpwards: yea, so powerfull a respect did the Primitiue Church attribute vnto the Lawes of Moses, that Eleutherius Bishop of Rome, at such time as Lucius King of Great Brittaine, or as others think, Vice- /roy: Bb2 (11)/ roy vnder the Romane Emperour, sent vnto him for some good and wholsome Lawes, this holy Prelate wrote vnto him, that hee should collect out of the Diuine Lawes, what he thought most agreeable and conuenient.
If this will not satisfie their couetous apprehensions, let them beleeue the Apostle St. Paul, who confirmed the paying of Tythes after the abolishing of the Ceremoniall Law. [Marginal Note: Heb. Cap. 7.]
In former times Priests would take the fattest of the meat, but now-a-daies Phinehes and Samuel must catch at the crummes which fall from their Patrons tables. In those purer times the Children of Israel offered so plentifully, that Moses was faine to restraine their bounties. Yea the women offered their Bracelets, Iewels, and Looking-glasses, in which they tooke much delight. But now temporall persons must haue a large summe of Aaron and Eleazar, for Presentations, to buy their wiues Iewels and stately Looking-glasses, to view the picture of Pride and the face of Simon Magus. In time of Popery there was a Law enacted of Mortmaine, to keepe backe and curbe the charity of deuout persons, for feare lest all the reuenewes of the Land might in time be conferred on the Church. So freely did men in those dayes dispose of their temporall meanes to aduance the House of Prayer, and the Master of that house, that they thought all which they possessed, to be too little to pleasure their Ghostly Father. The Galatians would haue pulled out their eyes to haue done Paul good. But now some are so farre from doing any good to their Ministers, that they would /put (12)/ put out their eyes, if they durst. Let any of the poore Ministers shew himselfe neuer so vpright, zealous, painefull in his vocation, if his purse, grauity, and precise carriage sute not with the Patrons humour roundly come off, hee will sooner accept of a brutish Dunce, that scarce knowes the Canonicall Scriptures from the Apocrypha, then of this Elect Seruant of God. Nor yet perhaps will he dismisse him so clean, but at his departure and after, he will besmeare his coat with the filthiest lees of oyle, & lay an aspersion on his good name and fame, that he is a peevish Puritane, vnworthy of his presentation. Thus do those Patrons, like the Ammonites, curtall the skirts of Dauids Embassadours garments, playing the Barbers with their Beards, vntill God sends his Nemesis, his three-stringed whip of Famine, the Pestilence, and the Sword, to afflict them for their greedinesse.
The Poet Mantuan bewayled the state of the Romish Clergy, that all things belõging to the Church, were Simoniously exposed to sale, as at Mart or Market; Venalia Romae Iura, sacerdotes, altaria, &c. Lawes, Priest-hoods, Masses, what you will, for money; For money giuen, all sinnes forgiuen, as the Popes Pardoner proclaimes. From hence arose that prouerbe against a Simoniack Pope, who had sold much Church-liuings.
Vpon a Bill of Complaint exhibited by AEschines and Papinian, against Rewards vnequally conferred on persons of meane desert and descent, Apollo pronounceth a peremptory Doome.
AT the great Assembly held at Parnassus, on the fourth of Iune last 1626. there was exhibited a Bill of Complaint by AEschines, Deane of the Lycean Colledge at Athens, & by Papinian the famous Lawyer, Aduocate to the Lady Thermis, on the behalfe of the Students of the Empire of Greece, That wheras Rewards ought to be conferred on the vertuous, which wore out many nights in cares and thoughts, how they might increase Trade lately decaied, how they might cut off superfluous suits of Law, whereby Charity might heat mens hearts, as in the Golden Age, and Iustice flourish without the least pollution: now to their great grief, they fod many Offices bestowed on one man, which might serue sundry more sufficient persons, and which worke some of those of /the: (15)/ the meanest ranke, to sit in the supremest places, whilest that many generous Spirits of Noble descent and of brauer flames, adorned with multiplicities of knowledge, whom, as Scaliger wrote of Picus Mirandula, the Muses themselues would pronounce to be of that immortall race, adiudged from Heauen to passe for great and wonderfull Spirits, whiles these lay contemned, without any preferment at all. For which cause they humbly begged at his Maiesties hands, that some course might be taken, whereby Rewards should bee thenceforth conferred more equally on men of good desert and of Noble descent. Apollo at these ominous tidings, as it were with Commotion of mind, estranged somewhat from that sweet composition of gracious manners which he was wont to deliuer, with a voice more fearefull then ordinary, sounded out these Verses following, which argue, that his Maiesty tooke great indignation at the contents of the Bill exhibited.
Why keepes one man three Offices alone,
Another yet deseruing more, hath none?
Eyther the Starres shoot out some crooked rayes,
On this low world, or Fortune on it playes.
Or else the Ayry Prince this busines guides.
For surely God more equally diuides.
More Offices then one, 'tis great pitty.
That any in Countrey hold or Citty.
One Charge, and yet I am no puritan,
Will serue one man, and that a carefull man.
Graces and Muses twelue in number are,
Which for their Troupes looke equally to share.
A Prince had need to marke, and well to know,
On whom he doth great Offices bestow.
In Horses race men looke into the Sires.
Like Crow like Egge. The gracious Grace inspires.
Heere Apollo stopt, and about halfe a quarter of an houre after renewed his speech in this manner:
Sith with the Parents seed their manners flow,
And in the Sonnes deriu'd by Birth due grow,
Why doe some Lawyers prey on Labours hires,
This Lesson they haue conn'd from Clownish Sires.
Those Clowns their Sires, which hating Heau~ely right,
Them from their Birth defil'd wtih Earths delight.
Whereby their Sonnes so trained vp at first,
By natures kinde commit that act accurst.
Tis seldome seene, that one of Noble Race,
Peruerts Tribunall Seates by trickes so base.
Tis seldome seene that one of Noble bloud,
Betrayes his King, or sels his Countries good.
If one among a thousand such you finde,
Some Treacher him seduced of Clownish kind.
If any Lawyers play the Tyrants part,
Thundring out fines, to make the vertuous smart,
Or proue notorious for deceit and bribes,
They are descended of base Clownish Tribes.
Nothing more base then is the Ruling Clowne,
Not Antichrist for fraud can put him downe.
No change of manners, though he change his weed,
He what his father wore, doth neuer heed.
Whiles that such Moles in nought but Earth delight,
They snort in ease, and snatch at others right.
Nobles like Planets moue with noble thought.
A Royall Virgin forth our Sauiour brought. /The: Cc (17)/
The Commons should be rul'd, the Nobles rule,
Lawes rule them both, as Bits the Horse and Mule.
Peeres plac't in Office, by their peerelesse King,
Are iust, least blots they to their Honour bring.
The vulgar Sort fit for Mechanick Trade,
May helpe their country with the Plough and Spade.
Hugh Broughton vpon some discontentment taken in seeing his inferiours promoted to eminent places before himselfe, complaineth vnto Apollo, that Florio, Deane of Thaliaes Chappell, prophaned the sacred name of the Letany, by singing the same intermixt with triuiall toyes.
Apollo causeth Florio to repeat his Letany.
HVgh Broughton, a very learned Diuine, and an admirable Linguist, specially in the Hebrew and Chaldaick tongues, hauing for a long time awaited in Apolloes Court for some place of preferment, and seeing many persons, whom he thought to be farre beneath him in knowledge, or at least, that his penny was as good siluer as theirs, exalted to promotion, grew about this time of the Moone maruellously discontent; and chiefly for that Signior Florio, a new commer into Parnassus, had beene lately promoted to be Deane of the Lady Thaliaes Chappell, a place of honour more fit for a Cabalisticall Rabbine, as himselfe was, then for a Nouelist Italian; hee fumed, he fretted to see the world thus runne on wheeles, veri- /fying: (18)/ fying those words of Seneca, that there was neuer as yet any great wit, without som touch of madnes or folly. Hugh Broughton thus perplext, left his swolne conceits, like the embotteled aire for want of vent, might burst their bodily instruments, repayred on the fifteenth of May last 1626. vnto Apollo, complayning that Florio, Deane of Thaliaes Chappell, had on this Princes Birth day sung a strange morall Letany, more agreeable to a Sceltonical Dogrell Rimer, which shootes verses at randome, then to the reuerend Prelate of the Comicall Court. Which fault of Florioes he aggrauated, by fetching the Genealogy of the word Letany, not onely from the Greeke seuered Dialects of the Attickes, the Dorickes, the Ionickes, the AEolickes and other exotick pronunciations, but also from the misticall Thalmuds of the Iewes, wherein he surpassed most of the Phoebean Academy; Apollo wõdred much at this far-fetched Etymology, and sublimated pedegree, and therefore willed Florio to repeat in his presence that morall Letany, which ministred such an occasion to this high-spirited Scholler, so to traduce the memoriall of it with such curious aggrauations. Florio obeyed, and with a mild-composed gesture reiterated his Letany.
From blaspheming of Gods name,
From recanting words with shame,
From Damnation eternall,
From a sicke Soule internall,
From a Sinner will not mend,
From a friend, that will not lend,
From all moderne abuses,
From much things to no vses, /From: Cc2 (19)/
From Ignatians cursed words,
From an Alchymists faire words,
From those Friers, which Cloakes vse,
As from such that haunt the Stewes,
From such Sins as doe delight vs,
As from dreames which doe affright vs,
From Parasites, that stroake vs,
From morsels, that will choake vs,
From false Sycophants, that sooth vs,
As from those in Sinne doe smooth vs,
From all profane Discourses,
From all vngodly Courses,
Sweet Angell free,
From Craggy hils and mountaines,
From mire and muddy Fountaines,
From touching Toades and Spiders,
From Shooters hill ranke Riders,
From th'Exchequer Promooters,
From prying Spies and Tooters,
From Baylifes & Informers,
That faigne to be Reformers,
Frõ Cutthroat City Catchpoles,
That care not how they vexe soules,
From Bridewell and from Newgate,
From deare wit, that's bought too late,
From the Law of Halifaxe,
From the loane of the Tower axe,
From fraies & causelesse battell,
From murren in our Cattell,
From one thats euer prating,
From Extortion & grating, /From: (20)/
From St. Nicholas Clarkes at night,
From such crue, as shun the light,
Sweet Angel free,
From flowtes, which friendship sunder,
From Lightning, Stormes, and thunder,
From Nouelists coind rumours,
From all Phantasticke humours,
From such scolds as bite and scratch,
From a causelesse masticke patch,
From all such as purses cut,
From a filthy durty slut,
From an old man luxurious,
From a yong man litigious,
From a riggish wanton Trul,
That her Louer seekes to gull,
From Setters, Canters, Cheaters,
No better then men-eaters,
From an ill name and bad fame,
From much need and open shame,
From stolne Goods receauers,
From close sly Deceauers,
From a wanton that will rig,
And delight to daunce a Iig,
Sweet Angell free,
From a Priest that will mumble,
From a Nunne that wil iumble,
From rude Knaues that Maids tumble,
From Cattes and Rattes, which rumble,
From seruants, that will grumble,
From a Iade, that will stumble, /From: (21)/
From Drunkennes and Lechery,
From scarcity and Penury,
From excesse of meat as drinke,
From Tobaccoes noysome stinke,
From opinions of Doctors,
From busines with Proctors,
From conuersing with wranglers,
From the patience of Anglers,
From Lawyers visitation,
From waste and desolation,
From one that delights in Law,
From a Lions bloudy claw,
From bawdy Courts Citations,
From a State full of factions,
From all vngodly Actions,
Sweet Angell free
From all hard-hearted Masters,
Which vse not words, but wasters,
From a new Oast, proud and poore:
From a stale and gracelesse whore,
From bold Bayards downe right blowes,
From sly peckings of night-crowes,
From Musicians Phantasticke,
From Tradesmen growne scholasticke,
From any Bonds to marchants,
From acquaintance with Serieants,
From the mercy of Iaylors,
From the long Bils of Taylors,
From Bankrouts too late wishes,
From all unwholsome dishes, /From: (22)
From conuersation with Clownes,
Which wil sel both Verbes & Nownes,
From a Castillian drugger,
That poyson sels for Suger,
From the Sicilian vesper,
From bits more hard then Iasper,
Sweet Angell free
From men with Murther tainted,
From women which are painted,
From all far-fetcht Newfangles,
From him that euer wrangles,
From euery Harlot-monger,
From heat, cold, thirst and hunger,
From a rough-handed Barber,
As from an Irish Caruer,
From one that is brow branded,
From him that is left handed,
From a feast without some wine,
Bid to Supper or to dine,
From drinking much cold water,
From a coozening false Cater,
From poudred Beefe sans mustard,
From a thin and sowre Custard,
From rotten Cheese and addle Eggs,
From broken Shins and gowty Legs,
From a decrepit Capon
From stinking fish and Bacon,
From stale and filthy Sturgeon,
As from a foolish Surgeon,
From a Pudding hath no end,
From a Bow that will not bend, /Sweet: (23)/
Sweet Angell free,
From straggling on a strange heath,
Which once had neere wrought my death,
From bribing and vile Trafficke,
From Monsters bred in Affrik,
From daily Contributions,
From partiall distributions,
From a Cooke that is a slut,
From a knife, that will not cut,
From a short-heeld skittish wife,
Worse then any Cut-purse knife,
From men too rash and testy,
As from wild Iades or resty,
From Essex stiles, and Norfolke wiles,
From Yorke miles, & theeues night files,
From Shopmen that will palter,
As Knaues deserue a halter,
From a bribing Constable,
From the winds of Dunstable,
From a young Iustice of Peace,
That from prating doth not cease
From his Fellow that ne're speakes
A wise word, but Currat Lex,
Sweet Angell free,
From men cleane voyd of Reason,
From dishes out of season,
From men too nice and curious,
From men too rash & furious,
From Courtiers honey-spoken,
From Marchants that be broken, /From: (24)/
From Chanceries Iniunctions,
From dearely bought Presumptions,
From any rash Intrusions,
From purchased Pollutions,
From strong Beere and heady Ale,
From a long and tedious Tale,
From a Sophistick Bruer,
Then whom the Diuell is truer,
From anguish, griefe, and sorrow,
From any need to borrow,
From the Counter or the Fleet,
From doing Penance in a sheet,
From all straight and pinching shoes,
From all Cornes on Feet or Toes,
From a light and Pennilesse Purse,
As from a sore and dismall Curse,
From Suites by Friends procurem~ets,
From all the worlds allurements,
Sweet Angell free,
deliuer me. /CHAP.: Dd (25)/
Apollo, after som shew of distaste against Florio for his new morall Letany, at the last giues him leaue to defend it.
Florio in a briefe Oration declares the reasons, why hee inuented such a strange forme of Letany.
Apollo pronounceth his Censure.
APollo hauing heard this kind of Letany, more for the appeasing of Hugh Broughtons precisian humour, then for any dislike, which his wisedome found in it, seemed to frowne at Florio, for vttering in such a forme and vnusuall tune the sacred Letany. Florio doubting lest his Maiesty had in good earnest controuled his merry-conceited Letany, which as a new Liturgy he deuised of purpose to insinuate himselfe into the good grace of his Princesse, whom he knew was naturally affected with mirth and iollity, desired of Apollo, that he might speake what hee could in his defence. His Maiesty gaue him leaue. And presently without further premeditation, Florio made this Apology: It is not vnknowne, most illustrious Prince, both to your matchlesse prudence, and to all discreet Politicks, that a new broome sweepes cleane, that euery Seruant at his first entertainement into a great Ladies Court, must sute his affections to hers, as neere as possibly he can with conueniency, and study by all meanes of solace to giue her con- /tent: (26)/ tent in some degree or other. To this end I inuented this new Letany, knowing that my gracious Mistresse liked pleasant raptures, better then the graue and austere rules of the Stoicks. As for the profaning of the name of Letany, while vnder the shadow thereof I couch matters of some moment, I hope, it redounds not so preiudicially infamous to your vertuous Court, as for a Papist to be called a Catholicke, or for a smatterer in Logick, to be termed a Sophister, or for a peeuish Diuine, to be stiled a Puritane. If my Letany be throughly scanned, vnder that title Mr. Broughton shall meet with much substance to edifie the common sort of people, as with his Hebrew Genealogies to enrich the learned. It is not a Cowle or hood which makes a Monke: Cucullus non facit Monacum nor is it a shauen or bald Crown which makes a Priest: for a man may lose his haire with the Poxe, or for want of radicall moisture in that part of the head, as chanced to the Poet AEschylus, on whose bald pate an high soaring Eagle did let fall a shelfish, with intent to breake it, as on a stone. Nor doth a long beard make a man a iudicious Socrates.
barbatum hoc crede Magistrum
Dicere, sorbitio quem tollit dira Cicuta.
whom a forc't draught of Hemblocks iuyce did kill.
Wee see the Goat stalking with a long beard. Yet who will take him for a religious beast, that climbes vp to the Altar, and feedes on the sacred flowers?
Barbatus, licèt ipse Caper, tamen esse negamus
Hunc rectâ et purâ Relligione pecus.
It is not the bare outside, the vsurping of a naked /name,: Dd2 (27)/ name, which can disgrace an honest Action. If vnder the name of Letany, I haue alluded to any lewd passage, whereby youth may be corrupted, or the state of Parnassus defamed, I appeale to Caesar, to your Maiesties iudgement.
Apollo, after that Florio had thus defended his cause, yeelded his censure in these few words: Whosoeuer goes about to depriue men of all kinde of pleasure, seekes to depriue them of freedom and of a cheerefull nature, which God preferres before a sullen crabbed mind, as was that of Cains. Beeing tempred, it consorts well in an ingenuous Scholler, For thereby hee shall auoid the name of a laughing Democritus, with his tickling spleene, and also of a weeping Heraclitus, with his melancholy passion. The title of Letany, derogates not frõ grauity, while it tends not to base scurrility, but rather to a vertuous morality. There is a time to teach, to exhort, and there is a time to fling stones against the wind.
There is a time of earnest things to write,
A time to talke of matters small & light,
A time to walk, to run, to ride, or praunce,
A time to sit and laugh, or lead a Daunce.
There is a time for men to fast and pray,
And so a time to sing like Birds in May. /CHAP.: (28)/
Apollo asketh the Author of the Golden Fleece, wherefore his Countreymen of Wales, hauing the commodiousnesse of the Sea with a large scope of land, are notwithstanding very much impouerished of late.
The Author imputes the cause vnto the multitude of Law Suites.
Vpon Thursday in the Easter weeke 1626 while the rest of his maiesties Subiects of Great Brittaine consulted how they might repaire the decay of Trade, lately hapned by Prodigality, Excesse of Aparrell, Tobacco, and other enormities in ths [sic MW] Iland fostred and cherished, besides our losses abroad by the Moorish Pirates, and now of late by the Dunkirkes, it was my good fortune to be present at Apolloes Court in Parnassus: Where likewise his Imperiall Maiesty sate in Councell, about the same affaires, because there might bee a perpetuall correspondency betwixt his diuine Court & our humane actions.
As soone as Apollo saw Orpheus Iunior, it pleased him to demaund of him the resolution of two Questions, which he presently proposed. Whereof the former was, wherefore his natiue Countrey of /Wales: (29)/ Wales being a Peninsula, almost an Iland, compassed about with the Sea, in forme of an horse-shoo, like little Brittaine in France, from the riuer Dee and Chester, round about to Glocester, hauing aboue 100. Riuers running out into the Sea, beside Seuerne, and Dee: yet for all this large Tract & commodiousnesse, they had not ten Ships; whereas Deuonshire alone our neighbour vpon Seuerne, not contayning the tenth part of land, flourished with 150. ships. The other Question was, wherefore their enclosed lands, as also their mountaines and Commons lay desolate, not halfe stockt, and their Corne fields in most places so bare of Corne, that a stranger would thinke, eyther that the earth produced such grain naturally wild, or else that the Locusts of AEthiopia had wasted and harried the same?
Vnto these demands hee craued an houres respite to answer. At the end whereof he returned his resolutions in this wise: I could haue wisht that these Questions had been askt of some iudicious Gentlemen of these parts, whom partly by familiar acquaintance, and partly by fame, I know to be far better experienced; and consequently more sufficient to yeeld your Highnesse satisfaction in these demands of import. But seeing (most vertuous Emperour) the Fates, that is, your ineuitable pleasure, allotted this charge vnto my weake capacity, I will not spare to display the causes, according to that measure and tal~et which God hath giu~e me. In the entrance whereof, a Story comes into my mind, out of an old Spanish Booke printed at Salamanca, aboue one hundred thirty yeeres past, entituled, The causes of the pouerty of Spain, /de-: (30)/ dedicated to Ferdinando and Isabella, before the conquest of Granata, and the discouery of the West Indies by Columbus. Among other reasons the Author imputes the breeding of Asses, and the vse of barren Mules, in stead of Buls and Oxen, to be the prime and waightiest cause of their necessities. For whereas in Hercules time the goodliest Kine of the world were found with Gerion and Cacus in that Countrey, since the rearing of those vnrpofitable Beasts, and the Golden Mines of Bebellio in the Pirenean Mountaines, and the graines of Gold in Tagus Sands were exhausted dry, Spaine became the most miserable Region of Europe.
Now, my Countrey of Wales appeares, in my iudgement, to haue some resemblance with Spaine, as it stood in those dayes, being like vnto it for situation, and the vneuenesse of ground, vp hill, and downe hill; yet enriched with faire vallies, and aboue all, with the benefit of the Sea, as your Maiesty hath well obserued.
But our grieuance is, that in stead of plentifull droues of Cattell, which heretofore serued vs, aswell for our sustentation, as to supply our necessities abroad, wee haue studied that fabulous Booke of Ouids Metamorphosis so much, that our stocke is decayed, and now-a dayes we reare vp two-legged Asses, which doe nothing but wrangle in Law the one with the other.
By this meanes wee consume our precious time not to bee redeemed.
By this vngracious brood wee become so impouerished, that our Neighbours of Deuonshire, not- /with-: (31)/ withstanding our large Circuit of the Sea, and our infinite extent of land, goe farre beyond vs in shipping and necessary Trading.
Apollo informed of this heynous abuse, replied, No man proues vnfortunate, but by his owne procurement.
In whom lies this fault, but in your selues?
Who can redresse this grosse absurdity better then your owne selues?
Pardon mee, most Noble Prince, said Orpheus Iunior.
It consists not in our powers to withstand what Heauen hath decreed, as a punishment for our Ancestours sinnes and ours.
The meanes for our Education, are farre short in respect of the wise English Nation.
In times of Superstition, most of our Church-liuings, by our too much simplicity became a prey to Religious houses.
Which being dissolued in King Henry the Eights dayes, and by Act of Parliament confiscate to the Crowne as Impropriations, our Curates stand, as before, but reasonably prouided for, not able scarce to haue Whay to themselues, much lesse to feed their weanelings with milke, as Saint Paul aduiseth.
I know many Parishes, whereof the Tithes of euery one amount to two hundred pound a yere, and yet the poore Ministers receiue not ten pounds a piece, yea, and some of them but twenty nobles out of which they pay Tenths, Subsidies, and other impositions. /So: (32)/
So that for want of maintenance both Shepheards and Flockes doe oftentimes miscarrie; and wee two-legged Asses can hardly recouer true humane shapes. Nor is this the onely cause of our Pouertie. We are subiect to more inconueniences then the English Nation; for we stand in feare (and our feares are not in vaine) continually without intermission to be sued at the Courts of Westminster, at the Counsell of the Marches, at the Spirituall Courts at home and in London, notwithstanding that wee haue the Courts of Assize of double the terme, then they haue in England, besides our Quarterly Sessions of the Peace, our Countie and Stewards Courts. Nor yet haue I ended all the afflictions of poore Wales. Within these two and twentie yeeres, the number of Clerkes and Sollicitours, at the Counsell of the Marches, haue encreased so exorbitantly, if not prodigiously, that whereas I knew not aboue one or two of these Clerkes in a Shire, now I can point at a doozen and more in most Shires, whereof many of them haue three or foure Foot-posts, which they call Cursitors belonging vnto euery of them, whose Office is continually to runne for Processes: insomuch that one of these Clerkes sent for a hundred and fortie Processes, against one of their times called the Appearance, for they sit ofner then Westminster, the most part of them for matter not appertaining to the Iurisdiction of that Court. I haue knowne men sued for a shilling and vnder, to that remote place. I will speake all I know: for the reuerence I beare to /Au-: Ee (33)/ Authoritie, and to the Seate of Iustice, which ought to be sacred. But I could with all Courts to liue within their Precincts, and not to goe one inch from their Instructions; to take away the occasions of debate, and not as our late King Iames of blessed memory noted, to seeke more moulture to their Mill, then of right belogns. In former times they neuer vsed to direct binding Processes, but against Fugitiues. They neuer sent Pursuiuants nor Serieants at Armes in matters of Debt betwixt Partie and Party, but onely in Criminall and high natured Causes, where the King was immediately interessed. They seldome vsed to fine the Plaintiffe for charitable yeelding to an attonement at home, or if they did, it was but small in the nature of a mild amercement. They endeuoured by all meanes to establish Loue and Charity among Neighbours, and were glad to heare those good newes of their Conuersions, though their Gaine came in the lesse. They often vsed to repeate that Prouerbe of Salomon, euen at their meales: Better it is to sup a messe of Pottage with quietnesse of minde, then to haue a whole Oxe with strife. They trembled and made a conscience to take money of any fellow Christian, though due vnto them for sentence or verdict, if the same came like so many drops of life-bloud from his heart. They cared more for the Defendant, then for the Plaintiffe, vnlesse the Cause were too abhominable.
Why then I see, said Apollo, if some of your Courts were abolished, you might quickly grow /wealthy (34)/ wealthy both by Sea and Land. For if the Occasions of Suites were taken away men would follow their Husbandry diligently at home, fall to enclosures, plant Orchards, marle their Lands, and not scratch the Earth with weake Heyfers or Steeres. They might then keepe strong Oxen to plough withall, which now they are enforced to sell for their Lawiers vse. The Sea might be aswell frequented by you, as by the Deuonshire men. Surely, if the Noble King of great Britaine would release you from the Courts of London, or else discharge the Court in the Marches, I see no reason but you might fall to industrious courses, aswell as others. Deuonshire and Cornwall are a great deale further from London, then the remotest Part of Wales and their Termes of Assizes shorter by halfe then yours. And yet they liue in good securitie one Neighbour with the other, and doe all ioyne in honest Trading both at home and in the Newfoundland, augmenting their fortunes, and breeding store of Mariners and shipping. Your Court at the Marches was first instituted to suppresse rebellious Attempts, and Traitours, specially Owen Glyndowrdie, who was so called for taking part with King Richard the Second. But now, me thinkes, it might very well be spared, seeing that those stormes bee long sithence, by King Henry the Seuenth comming to the English Crowne quite vanished, and that now-adayes a man may trauell in Wales, as safely as in any other Part of the Kingdome. The consideration of the Premisses we doe neuerthelesse referre to your Prudent and gene- /rous: Ee2 (35)/ rous King. And I belieue, there is neuer a poore man worth fortie shillings but will contribute somwhat with all his heart towards the Wars, or for a gratefull Beneuolence to his Prince, to be acquited of some of these Courts. For indeed I heard that a Knight of Staffordshire, who dwelt but three miles distant from the Iurisdiction of the Marches, should say, that he would not for a 1000. Markes his house had stood those three miles further towards Wales, by reason of those troubles which they were subiect vnto more then his Countrey.
Orpheus Iunior exhibits a Petition vnto Apollo to diminish the number of Lawyers, and to punish their offences.
Apolloes Answere, shewing how they may be restrained and punished.
ORpheus Iunior vnderstanding that Apollo burned with Zeale and Charitie, to reforme the superfluities of Law-suits, which were not the least causes of the Decay of Trades in great Brittaine, and fearing that in time to come, their sufferance and continuance might yet worke a greater impediment to his Proiect of the Golden Fleece, which with infinite care, paines, and some charge he hath for many yeeres managed, and almost now brought to perfection, vpon the abouesaid Thursday in the /after-: (36)/ after-noone, he exhibited this Petition vnto his Maiestie, as he came out of the Delphick garden. The contents as follow:
Magnus honos extra pacem componere, maior
Erga vicinos Amor incipit. Ardua quaero,
Membra licet collisa sumus
Rabula Bella mouet plusquam Ciuilia Legum
Tis honour great abroad to settle peace,
But greater farre our countries broyles t'appease.
Towards the Next true Loue must first begin.
High things I begge. From iars defend Gods Kin.
Though mangled we, you may vnite vs all,
If you reforme the subtill pleading Hall.
The Lawyer maskt with Law on vs doth feed.
Few men escape. The Niggard stands in need.
Apollo after he had perused the Petition, deliuered it to Doctor Haddon one of the Masters of Requests, charging him to remember the redeliuery thereof vnto him backe at the first sitting of the next Court, which was about two dayes after. At the time and place limited, Doctor Haddon fayled not to restore the Petition to his Maiestie, who instantly made a full demonstration of the effects, that it was high time to bridle the insolencies of those fellowes, which studied more to driue the Holy Ghost with /his: Ee3 (37)/ his Heauenly Gifts, of Loue, Charitie, and Humilitie out of their owne and Neigbours [sic MW] hearts, then to informe their Clients of the truth of their cause. First, therefore he enacted, that euery man should lay downe his matter in the briefest manner. Secondly, that no Aduocate should defend a wrongfull Cause. Thirdly, that the Aduocate must pay his Client all his money backe againe with arbitrarie dammage by Apolloes prescription, if the Cause by his Counsell went forwards, and afterwards chanced to be ordred against him. Fourthly, that no Attourney nor Aduocate must delay or lose the benefit of one houre in aduancing to a hearing their Clients Suite. Fiftly, that the Iudges, as in Denmarke, follow the Reports and Iudgements formerly put downe in Bookes, without adding or altering any new Opinions out of their own, though more solid, heads. Sixtly, that no man presume to become a Iudge in the Newfoundland, which euer receiued a Bribe; or which tooke a Fee within the space of seuen yeeres, before he enter there; for that Countrey being as yet pure, wee will suffer no impure hands to touch her, nor impure lips to Court her. Seuenthly, that whosoeuer takes a Bribe in the Newfoundland directly or indirectly, or tolerates with any Gehezi to receiue it, hee shalbe conuicted of Rape, for polluting that blessed Nymph, with adulterous iniustice, & to be punished more Maiorum, as the Senate of Rome had adiudged Nero, or to be vsed as a Blasphemer against Saint Marke at Venice. Eightly, That no Lawyer nor Officer should exact /more: (38)/ more fees, then were appointed in those Tables, which hee caused to be publickly engrauen and set forth vpon paine to forfeit his Eares.
After the promulging of these Ordinances, which his Maiestie willed to be engrauen on Cedar-boords, and to bee inuiolably obserued like the Lawes of the Medes and Persians; for the further rooting out of Extortions, Bribes, and Exactions of Lawyers, Apollo with a loud voice, which made all the Earth to tremble, pronounced this Oracle:
Crimina non potuit Rex extirpare Iohannes
Bartolus and Plowden, by the instigation of the Iesuiticall Faction, doe appeach Orpheus Iunior before Apollo, for certaine Offences supposed to bee committed by him.
LOng did Robert Parsons, Father Cotton, Cardinall Bellarmine, and others of the turbulent Ignatian Sect consult together, how they might bee reuenged on Orpheus Iunior, for his discouery of mariana, and the publike shame, which all their Societie had incurred euer since their restraint, after the said Marianes conuiction. But finding, that Orpheus had smelt out their drift, and for that cause /kept: (40)/ kept himselfe continually at the Wel-head, neere to his Maiesties Court, and commonly in Court, they deferred the shooting of their enuenomed arrowes at a person of that eminencie, whom not onely Apollo graced with more then ordinary fauours and familiaritie for frequenting the sacred Cloysters of the Muses, but likewise all the Noble Spirits of Parnassus, loued and respected him for his care, paines, and charge in aduancing forwards the Golden Fleece, and the Plantation of the Newfound Ile. But at last these Hamans sate in Counsell, and deuised together, how they might cunningly wound the honour of this carefull Mardocheus, who had discouered the treacheries, falshoods and knauish trickes of many persons, who had sometimes liued gloriously in Parnassus; as the other Mardocheus had reuealed to the Persian King, the Treasons of his Seruants. They wonne Bartolus and Plowden, two notable Lawyers, who were also grieuously offended for the Petition he preferred against the multiplicities of Suites to take their parts, and by some scandalous surmises to lay an ambush for the surprizal of his rising Fame. For the intrapping whereof they heaped together Articles of sundry natures, which going currant this day, they would themselues condemne the next day. Neuerthelesse, being egged on by the Iesuites, they tooke heart at grasse, and at length with two tedious Orations more bitter and violent then the Phillipica, which Cicero framed against Marcus Anthonius, they inueighed in their Preambles, most sharply and Satyrically a- /gainst: Ff (41)/ gainst Orpheus Iuniors Booke, called Cambrensium Caroleia, saying, that hee had openly discouered with Cham Noahs nakednesse, hee had polluted his fathers ashes, and ragingly snatcht at Iupiters golden Beard in disclosing the mysticall secrets. Of the Cabalisticall Science, whereon as the Mercurian Grinder, the wits of many Proficients in the Lawes, were so finely whetted, that some would gaine whole Manours with a shrill whyning voice, yea, and they held one another a begger, vnlesse a Kite could flie about their Purchases in one day. Others with a Stertorean roaring throat vsed to astonish the Auditours, as if Thunder had come out of the Cloudes sodainly to destroy them. The Report of which noyse, like a Canon or Basilisco did so terrifie some faint-hearted Meacocks, that they fled out of the Countrie into the Iles of Creete, Lesbos, and the Rhodes, perpetually abandoning all their Right, Title, and interest in such Lands hereditarie, or purchased, which they had or might haue in time to come within the Territories of Parnassus, & quite clayming the same vnto those terrible Roarers. So powerfull, said they, was the red clapper, before these Mysteries were made manifest by this Cambro-Britaine, like Greene the Detectour of Conicatching, that a Lawyers Tongue could doe many feats, trot, or amble, gallop or halt, saue or stay, chide or charme, with more prettie and proper conditions then the Sorcerers of AEgypt could vaunt in the presence of Pharaoh. The Delphicke Sword, which did cut, file, saw, and shaue, came not neere /in: (42)/ in operation to this pleading member, which all the vertuous applauded, Orpheus excepted; and must stil domineere it in the World, as long as the enmity shal last betwixt the womans seed & the Serpent.
They further alledged, that this Authour of the Golden Fleece had vsurped the name of Orpheus Iunior, which he ought not to haue done, vnlesse hee could draw life out of the Rockes, and by melodious straines enduce the greatest Oake in this Kingdome to dance the Canaries.
Likwise, they found fault with him for disswading men from going to law, like an Anabaptist, for speaking against their Profit, for seeking to lessen their numbers, and to debarre them, like Charles the Fift, from dwelling in the West Indies, and consequently, in the Newfoundland, where they hoped one day to get a good bootie among the simple Fishermen, if the Monyed Queene chanced hereafter to withdraw the sweet influence of her Countenance from them in this flourishing Kingdome.
Finally, they charged him particularly with these Verses by him published in his said Booke, tending to discourage men from spending their meanes in Law; so that this Corporation might put vp their pipes, and in time fall into disgrace to the great scandall of the Lady Themis, their Soueraigne; if such a Toy should take men in the heads to liue at home quietly, and not to pay their quarterly rents. No peny, no Pater noster, was the Song of some Diuines heretofore. But for Lawyers rents, it was neuer questioned since Demasthenes his time till now. /There-: Ff2 (43)/ Therefore as a Libeller against the sacred persons of Lawyers they desired Apollo to censure him, which presumed to set out these vnluckie Verses:
Fulmina Iuris huic, Fauor illi, casus at idem:
Omnes venantur questum qui Iura sequuntur
,DD> Nummus vbi tinnit, candida Iura silent.
Spem tibi vox nutrit, Mens dna. Colba fit Aspis,
One's thunder strooke, Another's grac't amaine.
The cause the same. Such is the force of Gaine.
Without deare coine, the Lawyer sayes but mum:
Yet when it sounds, the lawes th~eselues are dbe.
The tongue vowes hope, his mind losse. Doues
Apollo commands Orpheus Iunior to answere the Accusation of Bartolus and Plowden, who obeying extolleth Charitie, taxeth Conicatching and Hatred, and commends the Lawes.
Apollo smiled to see the impudencie of these Lawyers, yet not to seeme partiall in his Seruants cause, he commanded Orpheus to defend himselfe, who thus began.
BRight Light of Loue, which knowest the Origi-
And Principles of Supernaturals, (nals, /Which: (44)/
Which measur'st Globes, & the 7. wãdring Spheares,
Inspire my heart. Let not subrustick Feares,
Nor bashfulnesse of Virgins crimson hew
Astonish me from speaking what is true;
But that with free and lofty voice I sound (found.
Sweet Peace, which may strife, and not Lawes, con-
Doues build in holes of Rockes: but thou, my Doue,
In holes of bloudied Rocke must build thy Loue,
My Soule, like to a Doue with siluer wings,
Flies to Christ's wounds for feare of Vipers stings.
He is my Rocke, my Sauiour, and Defence,
While I stand cloth'd in Robes of innocence.
Hee knowes my aime is faire, jarres to subdue
And Charitie in Lawyers to renew.
Some thinke it a hard taske, impossible;
But vnto God all things are possible.
Others subiect mens fraile intelligence,
And Reformations to Starres Influence:
As though Errours waite on Reuolutions,
Bald times pleasure, or Constellations.
First, let th~e learne; although the Suns cleere beames
With his pale Sister, Lady of the streames,
Doe rule the World, and worke in Trees and Flowers,
Yet can they not controule Diuiner Powers,
Such as our Spirits be, nor yet our wits,
Which Policie refines with sacred Writs.
Who can deny, but Craft's the cause of Euill?
As Truth will shame Promooters and the Deuill?
As Vnitie and Iustice I adore,
So these turn'd topsie turuy I deplore.
Of Old it was not so. Then, no Surmizes /Could: Ff3 (45)/
Could wrest Lawes, nor Pleas maskt in disguises.
Few Sentences then serued to vnfold
Great matters. Then they pleaded not for Gold;
But eu'ry man in person to the Iudge,
As vnto God, his Case shew'd without grudge.
This made them quiet, and stor'd with Treasure,
Where we spend, attending Misers leasure.
We spend our Thrift, our Braines, and precious times
By lewd mens counsels fild with heynous crimes
In needlesse Suits, whom they hold for Clients,
Or Tenants, like greedy Leaches Patients.
Through thicke and thinne vp to the eares and chin,
They make vs drudge to bring them mony in.
But what's the end? Their Heires do seldom thriue.
Although in Pomps their aged Starlings liue,
And sucking Pidgeons bloud turne Cormorants:
Yet neuer Apes will grow to Elephants:
Nor will God suffer an Impostors Race
To flourish long, nor wisdome, to embrace.
Some Nations He plagues for their Drunkennesse
With bloudy warres; some for their Beastlinesse
With Famine of his Word. But vs He smites
By letting double Tongues, vse base despites.
Then friske like Foxes brisk, and squeak like Rats;
Or barke like Curres, or caterwaule like Cats.
Feare no thornes, lift vp your hornes; each Brother,
Like juggling Gypsies, deceiue another.
This man rake, him to the stake; hold your owne.
Cheat kindly, my Maisters; There's Gold in Towne.
By Hook or by Crook, by Right or by Wrong
Cramme Purses with Curses. O dismall Song! /All's: (46)/
All's Fish that comes to Net in Sea or Brooke.
No surer angling then the Golden Hooke.
Glad is false Iudas of his siluer pouch;
Glad is fond Midas of his golden Touch,
As Whales doe play vpon the lesser Fish,
Till Harping-irons spoyle their latest wish; (sides,
So These wound Christ againe through Neighbours
Till Earth deuoures her due, their hideous hides.
O stooping Soules to Earthly trumperies,
And quite deuoid of Heauenly Mysteries!
Shall I sleepe on both eares, as the Prouerbe saith, while these indignities range abroad vnpunished, or conniued at among the learned Society of Parnassus? No, mighty Monarch, I feele an inward motion in my Soule pricking me, like a spurre, to run as at a deified Deuill, against the defied foes of Charitie; And now the rather, being heere enforced in your Maiesties Court of Parliament, the transcendent Light of all worldly Actions. Take away the chaine of Charitie, take away the Communion of Saints established on the eternall vnion of the Sonne of God, who left vs at his departure this last Commandent: Loue one another. And doe we loue one another, if we liue in hatred, and watch opportunitie to hurt the members of Christ? Decretum profer Apollo. I appeale to this high Tribunall. How can we say, that God is in vs, if our Soules and Bodies bee not his Temple? The Ground-worke of /this: (47)/ this Temple is Faith, as Saint Paul writes, Faith is the ground of things hoped for. The walles are the Gifts of Hope, without which, wee of all men were most miserable. And what is the perfection of the Roofe, which couers this Temple, but Charitie? [Marginal Note: Heb. cap. 11. 1. Cor. cap. 15.] This is the fruit of all our Actions both immanent and transient. This brightsome vertue extends to God and man, to Heauen and Earth. It lifts it selfe vp to God, as the prime Mouer of our wils, to the Angels, as our Guardians, and to the triumphant Saints for their participation and spirituall fellowship with our Soules in the harmonious concent and agreement of Holy Workes, expecting our humane minds, to ioyne with them in their vniuersall Alleluiahs without iarres, discord, or disproportioned tunes. O Angelicall Concord, which requirest this Contemplation and Practice of all such, which are predestinated to be saued! O the depth of Gods scope, which exacteth this obedience of the true Catholike Church, to loue our Neigbours, as wee would haue him to loue vs, to doe euill to no man, to wish well to all the World, like vnto the Sunne, which not onely casts his beames vpon all, but refresheth the very earth, which beareth weeds!
In what a miserable case then stand those Lawyers, which polish their wits, and with hired tongues goe about to defeat Orphans, Widowes, and other innocents, by defending wrong-doers? [Marginal Note: Esay cap. 5.] Cursed be yee, which speake good of euill, and euill of good, saith the Prophet. [Marginal Note: Prou. cap. 17.] Which likewise the Wiseman testified: He that iustifieth the wicked, and he /that: (48)/ that condemneth the Iust, they both are abhominable unto God. What auailes it a man to gather wealth for a small time, when hee knowes hee must leaue them behind him and answere for euery idle word and sentence, which he produced to disgrace or hinder his Neighbour, whom he was bound to tender and loue as himselfe? What profit shal he get by his golden fees, when Death dogges him at the heeles? When his pulses shall faintly beat, his senses faile, and his eye-lids shut, neuer more to open, vntill they see the gates of New Ierusalem shut fast against their wretched Master? No doubt, but some of our Lawyers doe happily thinke vpon this fatall stroke, but (alas) that weake thought for want of Zeale quickly perisheth, like those seedes, which were sowne by the Husbandman, and afterwards for want of care suffered to be ouergrowne with weeds and choaked with auarice. The want of employments in some other Professions or Trades which might benefit them in their worldly thoughts and dreaming conceits of priuate lucre doe constraine many great Spirits to fall to this wrangling course of life, who otherwise would proue more notable members for their Countries Good. But seeing no other way then this to arriue without danger of a bloudie nose to a great estate, they forgoe those braue flames, which Nature had kindled in them, and in their steed doe harbour earthy and slimy cogitations, like the Serpent, whom God cursed, and destinated to creepe vpon his belly, and to licke the dust of the earth. All their mind runnes on Gaine. /Gaine: Gg (49)/ Gaine is their God, the God which deliuers them out of the Land of bondage, out of the iawes of Pouertie. Gaine is the golden Angell, which leades them out of the Wildernesse into the Land of Canaan. Gaine is their Iosuah, that gouernes their battels, and giues them superioritie and victory, not ouer the vncircumcised Philistines, but ouer their owne Brethren, the heires of Saluation in the world to come. What faire protestations, and goodly hopes will they not faile to promise at the first opening of their Clients Cause? yet when the matter by their vnluckie Counsell succeeds not, as they promised, they will shamelesly stand vnto it, that their Clients had not throughly informed them, or else with admiration and eyes lift vp towards Heauen, they will ioyne to lay an aspersion on the Iudge, whereas themselues were the chiefe Procurers of the Suite. About twenty yeeres past it was my fortune to bee present in a Counsellers Chamber at the Counsell of the Marches, where a Gentleman of Worcestershire bitterly complained, that the Counsell had ordred him to pay seuenscore pounds, which hee might haue compounded for fiftie pounds. And that this rigorous sentence proceeded by his relying altogether vpon his Opinion, that the Counsell would not deale in matters aboue fiftie pounds, being limited by their Instructions from the King. To which the Lawyer answered, that he had hard measure offered him, that the Counsell reduced his Cause from a Common Law businesse to bee a matter of Conscience, wherein the King had left vnto them /the: (50)/ the determining at large without tying their powers to a certaine Summe. That hee was sory to see such extreme seueritie. Yet notwithstanding somewhat glad, that the matter hauing beene so chargeable and troublesome for a long time he might now enioy the continuall company of his wife and children at home, which before he could not doe. That Peace was a blessed thing, and Patience an excellent vertue. Which the Gentleman hearing, and hauing no comfort else for his great expence, paines, and troubles, he brake forth into Passion, saying, what doe you tell me of Peace and Patience, and going home to haue the company of my wife and children? All this I had before I met with your vnfortunate Counsell, and but for you I might haue had more meanes to doe for them, then now I haue. Which Answere of his cals backe into my memory Captaine Eliots Tragedie, which about fiue and twentie yeeres agoe he related vnto me at Paris. In Queene Elizabeths dayes being enticed by a Iesuite heere in England this Captaine Eliot went to Lisbone, with a Pinnasse of the Queenes, which hee purposed thenceforwards to employ for his New Masters seruice the King of Spaine. And for this cause, with his commendatory Letters from a Iesuite in England, to his brother Iesuite Robert Parsons at Madrid, he posted thither in hope of high preferment. In the meane time his men, which hee left a ship-boord finding themselues betrayed by Captaine Eliot, and destitute of necessaries to relieue their wants, they complotted to steale the Pin- /nasse: Gg2 (51)/ nasse away. But the matter casually discouered, some of them were hanged, and the rest made Gally-slaues, which comming to the eares of Captaine Eliot at Madrid, and hearing, that his Brother, whom he had left to ouer-see the Pinnasse, had likewise tasted of this Spanish Courtesie, hee repayred in this male-content to Father Parsons, pittifully complayning of his cruell fortune, and this bloudie course extended toward his people, which hee brought of purpose to serue the King of Spaine, hoping of reward rather then to bee so inhumanely dealt with. Father Parsons at that time being more in a moode of deuotion, then willing to shew himselfe a Statesman, began to reade a Lecture to Captaine Eliot of Patience, Humilitie, and of Mortification. The which hee for a while gaue eare vnto; but at last perceiuing that his speeches tended to defeate him of his Ship, and to get him into a Cloyster: he brake into these impatient termes: What doe you preach vnto mee of Patience and Mortification? Can flesh and bloud rest satisfied with this vsage? Can I be patient, when I see my brother and my friends executed, and the rest of my men condemned to the Gallies? Had it not beene for the aduise which your friend and brother Iesuit gaue me to betray the Q Pinnasse, I might haue liued in my own Countrie a happy man, far from this barbarous end.
Surely it were fitting that those which vndertake for money to direct their Clients, should requite them for their charges, if by following their sinister Counsell the matter goes against them. If a /Smith: (52)/ Smith hauing but a penny for his paines, vnwittingly chance to prick a horse to the quick, whereby the horse is the worse for it, there lyes an Action of the Case against the Smith. [Marginal Note: Fitz. denatur Breu.] How much more then ought a poore Country fellow altogether without the rudiments of Law haue remedie against a learned Master of the Lawes, which takes vpon him to know the whole proceedings of Iustice, aswell as the wisest Iudge of the Kingdome? O I would that men would become more charitable the one to the other that I might heare from time to time the like complaints as Lawyers made at the end of Michaelmas Terme last, 1625. They bewailed their misfortune, that whereas some one of them vsed to haue sixtie Clients, hee had scarce eight at that Redding Terme, which complaints moued mee no more to pittie, then to see a Goose goe bare-foot. I rather reioyced to heare the tidings, that Suites of Law were not become eternall; And presently I ministred this Pill vnto them: My Masters, said I, you seeme for all the world to bee like the Sextons and Diggers of Graues now of late in London, who when any askt them how they did; they answered with you, neuer worse. It is a hard time. For whereas one of vs haue receiued fees for ringing and opening of foure hundred graues a weeke, now the Plague being abated, wee receiue not money for eight graues. A pitifull Case.
To end this my Apologie against Doctor Bartolus and Master Plowden, for my vsurping of Orpheus Iunior's Title, I doe it, permissu Superiorum by your /Maie-: Gg3 (53)/ Maiesties command, emboldned by the examples of those, which in the like matters borrowed the like Titles, as Terentius Christianus and Democritus Iunior lately haue done to their great honour and the Readers satisfaction; euen as Ausonius before them had imposed the name of Cato to his little Booke of Manners. Nor can any man much blame me, if hee compare the Aduentures of our Newfoundland with the Argonauticks Golden Fleece, though more sweetly sounded by the elder Orpheus
Apollo after this Apologie seemed highly to extoll it. And further to let the world know his fuller resolution, hee vttered these words: God forbid, that Vice should raigne without controulement. If my Attendants shall bee tongue-tied, when such vncharitablenesse possesseth mortall men, it is to be feared that men wil sooner glory in euill, then turne to good; nay more, it is to be suspected, the whole world but for our peales of Charitie and sounding retraits from Hatred will fall vnder a generall Excommunication from the presence of God. Take away the abuse, which is meerely accidentall; and let the substance of Law remaine still. Long may Iustice flourish without ecclipse or stormie oppositions.
The learned Vniuersities of Great Brittaine doe finde /them-:(54)/ themselues agrieued, that Popish Physicians are permitted to practice Physick in this Kingdome.
Apollo remedies their grieuances; and decreeth that the Popish presume not to minister Physick to any Protestant, but to them of their owne Sect.
VPpon the Wednesday after Low Easter Sunday, there arriued at Parnassus certaine Deputies sent from the Learned Vniuersities of Great Brittaine, pitifully complaining, that whereas sundrie honest Persons of wonderfull rare Spirits, and singular dexteritie, had spent the most part of their time in ruminating & reuoluing the workes of Hippocrates, Cornelius Celsus, Galen, and also had read the volumes of other Physicians, aswell Arabian as Paracelsian, Antient as moderne, there crept notwithstanding some false Brethren, seruants to the Mysticall Whore, as Drones, which vnder a counterfeit maske of more pregnant knowledge, had ingrossed the Gaine and Rewards due vnto them, as the laborious Bees of their Country, and wrought so effectually with some of the Greater sort, that by their example others repaired to them for helps in their Bodily Infirmities, forsaking them being of the same Religion, and no way inferiour vnto these Romish Physicians. The danger both eminent and imminent which by this conniuence might happen, they submitted to his Maiesties good will and pleasure. Apollo nettled at this complaint called for the Romish Physicians, and caused some Patients which had lately taken Physick at their hands /to: (55)/ to be brought before him to whom he said: O yee of little Faith, what a lunacie and distemper of the Braine hath peruerted your vnderstanding, as to moue you to abandon the medicinable waters of Silo and Bethesda, and to haue recourse vnto muddie Pooles not deriued from the Rocke of liuing waters? Is it because there is not a God in Israel, that ye goe to the God of Ekron to enquire and looke counsell. Did the example of Lopez the Portugall, who by warrant from the great Dispencer of Murthers poysoned some Noble Personages of your Countrie, nothing terrifie your mutable phantasies, but ye must resort for cure vnto your knowne Foes, the Foes of Christ? Is it possible, that my Remedies shall worke their proper effect, which are ministred by profane hands? but rather the contrary, being accursed like the Fig-tree in the Gospell? It was a sinne in Asa King of Iuda, for putting his trust in Physicians of his owne Religion. How much more had it beene, if he had relied on succour from the vncircumcised? If God blesse not the Physicke it proues ominously vnluckie, and perhaps to the ruine of the Patient, though for a time it may seeme to ease. Doe we not often see, that many men rise vp miraculously, as it were from death to life like Hezechias when all earthly helpes proue vaine and fruitlesse, euen by Kitchen Physicke? So all blessings with Faith must concurre together with the Medecine, or commonly it ill succeeds.
In tender consideration of these ensuing perils, and in commiseration to the states of your Soules /and: (56)/ and Bodies, which may suffer for want of mature Discretion to discerne Friends from Foes, We Order, that no Papisticall Physician minister Counsell, nor Receit in Physicke to any Protestant from this day forward: but that euery Patient do repaire to some of their owne Religion, to whom Rewards belong, and whom God hath ordained for a vertuous purpose. We do also order that these Verses of Orpheus Iuniors, be annexed to this Decree.
Misso pecunifices volo te Medicosque cauere,
The Nobilitie of Parnassus, doe complaine, that their Inferiours with their Wiues doe weare richer Apparell then themselues, shewing likewise, that they haue encroached on other Priuiledges of theirs to be hurried in Coaches, by which presumptions /many: Hh (57)/ many other Corruptions are lately crept into Apolloes Court.
VPon Thursday in the Easter-weeke last 1626. the Noble Families of the Fabricee, and Lentuli, and others aswell of the Romanes, as of the ancient Bloud of the Argiues, complayned vnto his Maiestie shewing, that one of the chiefest Causes of the decay of Trading and of the want of Money in these Times proceeded through the proud affectation of men of Inferiour Rankes, who contrary to the Prescriptions of Ciuill Gouernment, following the Example of Lucifer the Prince of Pride, had perked vp so high, that they wore gorgeous Garments, more glorious then Princes. And not so content, they pestered the streets of Parnassus, with needlesse Coaches, so that Carters and Wainmen could hardly passe to and fro with necessary prouision and commodities for the Courtiers and Citizens vse. Apollo informed of these indignities sent for the Lords Reformers before him, and askt how this Excesse got into his Imperiall Citie, which ought to bee the mirrour and fountaine of moralitie. They answered that the World as it grew in Age, so it multiplied in Infirmities. That the Prince of this World perceiuing the state of Religion to become better purified then in former times, whereby he lost many Soules, had infected a great number of his Maiesties Subiects with the poyson of Toades, to make them swell with Ambition, to the end they might burst, and that he by /that: (58)/ that meanes might repaire his great losses, which the Protestant Religion had caused to his Infernall Kingdome; And that for the further setling of his poysonous power, hee had employed Asmodeus the Spirit of Lust, and other petty Agents of his to sow Tares in the night season after the Diuine Preachers had in the day time plowed and sowed pure seed in mens hearts. That likewise he had seduced their embosomed second selues, whom they terme the Night-crowes, to insinuate on his behalfe the Pompes and vaine glory of humane loftinesse into their Husbands Heads, and neuer to cease pecking, vntill they preuailed of their purpose to expell his mortall Enemie the Spirit of Humilitie, which the Holy Ghost had placed for his Deputie Guardian in their minds. The Reformers also declared that the Deuill had so strongly psosessed some of them both men and women, that to continue their brauery of Apparell and charge of Coaches, they mutually agreed sometimes to horne the other, but yet so slily and politickly, that they might take off their Hornes at set times, and lay them in their pockets to keepe, for feare of too grieuous a head-ach. To this end they vsed this Song the one to the other:
It matters not so much to weare the Horne,
If that it might be free from others scorne.
Hornes haue no cure, but when thy selfe art sped,
To graffe those Hornes vpon anothers head.
If the Wife want embroydered Peticoates and /Wast-: Hh2 (59)/ Wastcoates, if her Husbands meanes and credit extend not to furnish her with Iewels equiualent to the greatest Countesse, or if shee cannot honestly deuise how to maintaine her Caroach, the debauched Gallant will in this distresse and exigent lay that which shee can spare, euen Honestie it selfe to pawne. In the meane time my Cuckoldly Gentleman winkes for his profit. Non omnibus dormio, sed Mecenati solùm. He will not dissemble sleeping for any mans pleasure, but onely for hope of treasure. And if any of vs your Maiesties Officers should chance to cry out vpon it, or to say with that innocent King Henry the Sixt, Forsooth you are to blame, when he beheld certaine Ladies, with their breasts nakedly discouered, with their haire cut like a Tomboy, one of these horned ranke will retort no other counterplea, then Tarletons:
What and if she hath? Am I a whit the worse?
She keeps me like a Gentleman with mony in my
O those faire starlike eyes of thine, one sayes,
When to my seeming she hath lookt nine wayes.
And that sweet breath, when I thinke out vpon it
It would blast a flowre, if she breathed on it.
But bee she neuer so well qualified in affections, neuer so full of vertuous qualities, Maide, Widow, or Wife, vnlesse shee haue sufficient to defray this endlesse cost of prodigalitie, she may stand long enough without courting, euen vntill mosse grow to the soles of her feet.
Apollo hauing bewayled with teares the miserable Condition of his vertuous Followers seduced now of late to regard the out-side more then the precious in-side, which of old was reputed for the Temple of the Holy Ghost: and so to respect gay Clothing and pompous Formalities, that euen his chiefe Dependants for Diuinitie with Aarons siluer Bell in their mouthes beganne to be polluted with this enormitie to ruffle in rich Robes, and to flaunt with silken Sailes, he first commanded the Englishmans Picture standing like a Taylour with a paire of Sheares in one hand, and Stuffe in the other hand to apply himselfe to any New Fashion, to be presently defaced; and one proper comely Fashion, to bee accomodated to euery seuerall Nation specially, to /the: Hh3 (61)/ the English, of whom there was a Prouerbe, that no sooner sprung vp a Fashion among the Lackies at Paris, but the Gallants in London would like Apes take it vp as a patterne. Item, that all persons, which attired themselues in time to come, contrary to this Edict, should bee branded with Infamy, and to weare Saint Benets Hood of Red, Greene, Blew, and Yellow Colours, which the Spanish Inquisition haue ordayned for their Heretickes conuerted vpon euery Festiuall Day for the space of one whole yeere next after the Offence committed. Item, that no Nation should hereafter presume to weare Rayments of any other stuffe, then was wrought within their natiue Countrey, the Nobilitie onely excepted. Item, that none should goe vp and downe hurried in Coaches to trouble the Carters and Passengers, vnlesse they would giue a thousand pounds towards the Plantations in America, the Nobilitie alwayes excepted. And lastly, his Maiestie knowing that without seuere Executioners, this Decree of his could not bee kept inuiolably sacred, but that some would escape vnpunished by some Protection, or potent meane, like the Spiders Cobweb, where the lesser Flies were entangled, and the Greater did easily & robustuously breake through, hee charged Cato the Censor to see the due performance without partialitie.
Apollo commands certaine of his Attendants to pre- /scribe: (62)/ scribe remedies, how Husbands should liue with their Wiues chastly, and without iealousie to bee Cuckolded, as also how men should contemne the baits of Beautifull Women.
APollo hauing obserued, that many Women cuckolded their Husbands, and by their cunning pretenses had so gulled them, as to forsake their secure Demaynes in the Countrey, and to compasse Offices in the populous Citie of Parnassus, where they might enioy their vnlawfull pleasures, caused the Noble Knight Sir Philip Sidney, together with Sir Iohn Harrington the Translatour of Orlando, the Satyrist, Master Whatley the Preacher of Banbury and Orpheus Iunior to set downe some wholesome remedies for married men to gouerne their Wiues, that they horne them not; and also that themselues might not be surprized with the subtilties, or outward seeming beautie of strange women. Whereto they all obeyed, and Sir Philip Sydney thus beganne: [Marginal Note: Sir Philip Sidney.]
Who doth desire that chast his Wife should be,
First, be he true, for Truth doth Truth deserue.
Then be he such as she his worth may see,
And one man still credit with her preserue.
Not toying kind, nor toyishly unkind:
Not stirring thoughts, nor yet denying right:
Nor spying faults, nor in plaine Errours blind:
Neuer hard hand, nor euer reines too light:
As farre from want, as farre from vaine expence: /The: (63)/
The one doth force, the latter doth entice,
Allow good Company, but keepe from thence,
All filthy mouthes, that glory in their vice,
This done thou hast no more, but leaue the rest
Vnto thy Fortune, time, and womans brest.
[Marginal Note: Sir Iohn Harrington.]
Concerning wiues take this a certaine Rule,
That if at first you let her haue the rule,
Your selfe at length with her shall beare no rule,
Except you let her euermore to rule.
Yet in the house, as busie as a Bee
I am content my Wife sting all but me.
[Marginal Note: Sir Thomas Ouerbery.]
O rather let me loue, then be in loue;
So let me chuse as Wife and Friend to find.
Let me forget her Sexe, when I approue.
Beasts liknesse lies in shape, but ours in mind.
Our Soules no Sexes haue. Their Loue is cleane
No Sexe, both in the better part are men.
Domestick Charge doth best that Sex befit
Contiguous businesse so to fixe the mind.
That leasure space for fancies not admit.
Their leisure 'tis corrupteth woman-kind
Else being plast from many vices free,
They had to Heau'n a shorter cut then we.
Women's behauiour is a surer barre
Then is their No, That fairely doth deny
Without denying; thereby kept they are
Safe eu'n from hope. In part too blame is shee
Which hath without Consent beene onely tride
He comes too neere that comes to be denide. /Like: (64)/
Like a true Turtle with thine owne Doue stay,
Else others twixt thy sheets may falsly play.
If thou wilt haue her loue and honour thee,
First, let her thine Affections largely see.
What shee doth for thee kindly that respect,
And shew how thou her loue dost well affect.
Remember she is neighbour to thy heart,
And not thy slaue: shee is thy better part.
Thinke tis enough that her thou might command:
Whilest she in Marriage bonds doth loyall stand,
Although thy power thou neuer doe approue,
For thats the way to make her leaue to loue.
To goe to Feasts and Weddings 'mongst the Best,
Tis not amisse: for their suspect is least.
Nor is it meet that shee the Church refraine,
Sith there is vertue, and her Noble Traine.
You haue accutely runne ouer, O immortall Spirits, said Master Whately of Banburie, the duties of man and wife reciprocally, as they ought to beare the one to the other if they liued vertuously; But what if the wife exceed in wilfull repugnancie or rather rebellion against her Husband, who is her Lord and Head, as Christ is the Head and Crowne of the Husband according to S. Paul, and as I haue punctually proued in my Worke called the Bridebush, shall the Man degenerate from his virilitie and Christian vigour, as to suffer his Subiect and vnderling to waxe proud and to weare the Breeches? Shall he like Sardanapalus, or effeminated Hercules sit spinning in a Petticoate among her Maides, /whiles: Ii (65)/ whiles she flaunts it, like an vntamed Gallant, and iadishly kicks vp her heeles with a knaue, making her Lord accessarie to capitall baudry? This were an argument of base stupiditie in the Husband. Vpon such an occasion, or the like intollerable misdemeanure, as causelesse scolding, or for fooling her selfe and her Head before companie by nicknaming him, or wantonly detracting from his reuerend authoritie, with the abbreuiated words of Iack, Tom,, or Dick, he must shew his manly prerogatiue, and rebuke her for such ridiculous carriage. Yea, and if there because hee must like a wise Surgeon, vse Cauteries and sharpe medecines. Hee must let her know the wise mans sentence, that a Rod becomes the back of a Foole.
Orpheus Iunior here interrupted Master Whatley. You neede not cite Scripture for beating a woman for thats her hearts desire, to verifie the prophane Prouerbe, that an Asse, a Nut, and a Woman will neuer be good without beating. And at Constantinople our Merchants report, that where a Turke hath three or foure wiues, that wife esteemes her selfe happy and best beloued of her husband, whom he most often graceth with correction. The Moscouites doe commonly practice this kinde of Beneuolence on their wiues skinnes. But whether our womens hides can brooke such fauours, I doe much doubt. For the truth is, their skinnes in Moscouie are thicker, tougher, and buffe leather in comparison of our soft skind Creatures; as also in all such cold Countryes, Nature hath armed the very /Fowle: (66)/ Fowle and Beasts with strong thick out sides, to weather out and endure the blustring blastes, and penetrable icye cold the better. Whereas in our Climate, and from thence to the Tropickes the womens skinnes are tender, and silken, which makes mee somewhat to mislike that course, except her Husband bee well assured by some skilfull Tanner that his Wiues skinne is as hard as the Serpents both in the temper and the superficiall toughnesse. For then hee may beelabour her coat soundly without danger. But if hee feeles her more smoothe then Beuer, or softer then the Lambs, let him suspend his passion, and referre his lambs skin to his arbitrement, that otherwhiles is forced to hold the Wolfe by the eares. Neither yet am I so obsequious a Seruant to the Femal Sex, nor care I to become an Idolist of a painted shrine (for whatsoeuer earthly thing a man doth too much magnifie, or to speake more significantly, what hee dotes vpon, is to commit Idolatrie with that thing) but that I with the Husband to esteeme Discretion more then debate, Instruction more then Discipline, and to doe as hee would bee done vnto. Aboue all things I aduise him which lothes the brand of a Cuckold, not only to looke into his wiues inward disposition with the warie eyes of Discretion, and to obserue what companie shee affecteth: but likewise that himselfe beware how hee glance and gad abroad after strange flesh. Which because hee may the more easily performe, let him fixe this rule in his imagination, that his Soule combined with his wiues /makes: Ii2 (67)/ makes an harmonious vnion; that all women, specially other mens wiues haue many foule defects. [Marginal Note: D. Burton in his Anat. of Melancholy.] And if for all this, his iudgement bee so crackt, that another woman becomes his amorous Saint, the onely Shee in the world, and the very Paragon of Beautie, with her haire, as Democritus Iunior writes, more yellow then Gold, with black eyes, a little mouth, white teeth, of a pure sanguine complexion, soft and plump; an absolute piece, her head from Prague, her paps from Austria, her belly from France, her back from Brabant, her hands out of England, her feet from Rhine, her buttockes from Switzerland, with the Spanish gate, the Venetian Tire, Italian complements and endowments, let him neuerthelesse remember the continuall casualties of humane natures, how that a little Sicknes, a Feuer, the small poxe, a scarre, losse of an eye or limme, excessiue heat or cold, child-bearing, encrease of Age will riuell, marre, and dis-figure her all on a sodaine; insomuch, that he himselfe would scarce know her, whom hee before did adore and admire.
Whereto let a man adde her wanton face, and varieties of longing fits after those things which will alter farre stronger bodies then hers, as sweete wines, stronge drinke, spiced caudells, slibber sauces, Suckets, Aqua vita, Balme, or wormewood water, being perswaded by idle-headed Midwiues and tattling Gossips, that they are wholesome for the Bodie, whereas indeed they destroy the true heat of life, so that by the use of these vnnecessarie /drugs: (68)/ drugs and liquors, wherewith they glut themselues in corners, you shall not finde one among a thousand women, specially after Marriage, but shee is diseased, either with vnnaturall heat, a stinking breath, rotten teeth, a withered face, with a windie mattrie stomack, casting vp whole gobbets of snottie flegme, like rotten oysters, with the dropsie, or lothsome issue in her legs; or else shee is inwardly possessed by reason of those inflammations, with intollerable peeuishnesse, haughtinesse of mind, or with such rayling scolding moodes, that shee is fitter to be cubd vp in Bedlem, then to cohabit with a ciuill Gentleman. I say nothing of the disease called Pica, breaking out to the Greene Sicknesse in the vnmarried, and in both sorts to a monstrous stupendious lusting after such offensiues to nature, that I blush to name them, being fully assured by him that wrot the Treatise of the passion of the mind, that a woman of a temperate sparing dyet wil hardly bee ouertaken with this Infirmitie. What if this Goddesse of his bee not such beautie in very deede, as hee beleeues, but so fashioned by Art, perhaps her face is painted, done ouer with some curious lick, as few of them are without it. Or else it is her gaudie clothes, that set her out, so to beguile his eyes. There be other circumstances, which an vnderstanding man will muse vpon, before hee yeeld himselfe a slaue to an vnconstant woman.
A puling Female Creature, which hath smiles
Like Sirens Songs, and teares like Crocodiles. /As: Ii3 (69)/
As Withers exclaimes in his Satyres, I haue spoken the more pathetically of this abuse, because I know it is one of the chiefe Causes, which makes our Gentlemen to linger at home degenerating from their Ancestors, while the industrious Spaniard houers abroad, and takes vp the principall Harbours of the Newfound World.
To conclude, It is not Force, Feare, faire words, Gifts, nor deeds of due beneuolence can keepe a woman honest, if she bee borne and bred of a skittish Mother. For Cat after kind, shee will follow nature, doe what you can. To verifie this, let Man and Wife looke on this Glasse of faire Susannaes education; and by the modell of her nurture, let man learne a Mate to chuse:
[Marginal Note: Ex Aglaiâ in Cambrens. Carol. Ad Mariam Reginam.]
Vita piae Matris Susannae regula morum
A cunis odit Miracula ficta
A Corollary or an epitomized Censure of Apollo pronounced after the aforesaid Opinions deliuered touching the Election of Wiues and their vsage.
AFter these Gentlemen had deliuered their seuerall Iudgements how men should not onely chuse their wiues, and conforme them to their wils /but: (72)/ but likewise take away all the Occasions of vnlawfull Loue, it pleased his Imperiall Maiestie to adde these few Admonitions: Well haue yee, O my vertuous Minions, discoursed of the affections of the Female Sexe. [Marginal Note: Ariosto.] And I doe approoue and confirme your positions, with this Caueat to the Man, that he make choise of a Wife by the Eares, and not by the Eyes. And to the woman, I aduise her not to presume on her owne Conceit, either of her honestie, wit, or loue of Company, as to giue way vnto flattering and idle speeches of any Man whatsoeuer, but at the first touch with a braue, yet modest disdaine to bid Sathan auoid, though hee speake in an Angels shape, lest otherwise shee bee misconstrued loose. For it is enough for a Man, because hee is a Man to bee honest, though hee doth but seeme so. But for a woman, because shee is a woman, it is not enough to be chaste, if shee bee not knowne to bee chaste; yea and apparantly knowne, in despite of the Deuill and all his Followers.
Cato the Censour of good manners hauing arrested certaine Persons a drinking more then the Lawes prescribed them, brings them before Apollo.
His Maiestie reproues them for their Drunkennesse, and banisheth them for euer out of the precincts of Parnassus.
VPon the tenth of Iune last, 1626. Cato the diligent Inquisitour and Censour of good /man-: Kk (73)/ manners hauing apprehended foure persons in a Wine-tauerne, which had drunke ten quarts of strong wine at a sitting, brought them before Apollo to be censured, and humbly desired his Maiestie that he would shew some exemplarie punishment on those bestiall pesons, who albeit they dranke more then a dozen, yet could they not performe the deeds of two able men, either in the bodies Actions, or in the Spirits functions. Apollo asked them what tempted them to lade their bodies with so much strong Liquor? They answered, that it was not the loue of the wine, but of the Companie, which drew them to carowse so many pots. And further they alledged, that their natures being accustomed to drinke, they bare it out well without the least giddinesse in the head, reeling, or staggering, which as long as they could so doe, they hoped no man might taxe them of Drunkennesse. To this Apollo replied, that by the late Statutes of England no Trauellers might drinke aboue one quart of Ale or Beere at a penny the quart, vpon one sitting or meale: so that to drinke more then that measure prescribed by Law, ought to bee construed Drunkennesse, because the wise Law-makers of that State foresaw, that so much would serue any reasonable Creature. But to exceed that quantitie in a stronger kind of liquor, in Corsike, Greeke or Falerne wines could not but redound to Drunkennesse in the superlatiue degree. And whereas (said he) yee would couer your Drunkennesse with the ablenesse of your braine, I must tell you, that /hee: (74)/ he [sic MW] is to bee termed a reall Drunkard which surpasseth the set stint of his Countryes Lawes, or if hee enters after his bibbing into any vnseemely passion or borrowes the gesture of a raging Lion, of the toyish Ape, of the sensuall Hog, or of the lasciuious Goat, pratling or acting any feates more then are decent, or more then he vsed at other times, he may be branded with the note of a Drunkard, then which nothing is more odious in the sight of our vertuous Societie. Bring a horse to the water, all the world cannot vrge him to drinke more then sufficeth nature at that time. And yet man a Creature enriched with free will in naturall things, wil proue himselfe worse then the Beasts which haue no vnderstanding. Most honourable be those Masters of Families, which hate and curb this wanton excesse of Drinking in their Seruants. And worthy of applause in our Court is that Nobleman, who seeing no admonitions nor change of Butlers could restraine his vnruly Seruants from this Swinish vice, caused his seller to bee remoued, by building one within his Parlour, whereby shame, his Eye being vpon them, might bridle their inordinate affections, freely protesting, that hee would haue nothing spent which might be honestly spared, nor any thing spared which might be honestly spent; that it was not the expence, but ciuill gouernment to settle sobrietie in his house, which made him to take so strict a course. In this he imitated that Learned Emperour Antonius Pius, which banished all the Wine-tauernes in Rome, because hee saw his Subiects be- /gin: Kk2 (75)/ gin to turne Drunkards, and that none but Apothecaries should presume to sell any wine; and that, as Physick to the sick and weake. Heeretofore a King of England noting that by the Companie of the Danes all his Subiects were infected with this Sinne, he imposed a fit and limited measure for euery man to drinke by. Within these fiftie yeeres Drunkennesse was scarce knowne in England. At such time as the Low Countrey warres began, the souldiers at their returne by the Diuels temptations brought it thither to impouerish their natiue Country. And vntill a set stint bee prouided for pledging and carowsing with a Law to make the misdoers infamous and vncapable of promotion, it wil hardly be rooted out. What a preposterous thing is it, that one man should drinke more then might satisfie foure honester men then himselfe? Whatcap. 5 a shame is it that the Ilanders of Great Brittaine should wast in wine, malt, and hops more then would serue to maintaine fortie thousand men in the Field?
How simple is that excuse of yours, O yee children of Bacchus, that yee care more for the companie then for the liquor? Doe not yee know, that hee which toucheth pitch shall become defiled therewith? [Marginal Note: Exod. cap. 23.; Ephes. cap. 5; Prou. cap. 23.] In Holy writ it is registred: Thou shalt not follow a multitude to doe euill. And againe, haue no fellowship with the Instruments of Sathan, but rather reproue them. Which likewise King Salomon long before admonished to take heed of. Bee not (saith hee) of the number of them, which are bibbers /of: (76)/ of wine, for the Drinker and the Feaster shall become poore. In like manner the Prophet rouzeth them vp with an alarme: Awake, yee Drunkards, weepe and howle. [Marginal Note: Iocl. cap. 1.; Prou. cap. 5.] And in another place, the Wiseman denounceth a woe vnto them which rise vp early to follow Drunkards. If the feare of Gods Iudgements work not in your heedlesse wills, yet the daily tortures, wherein ye see before your eyes thousands afflicted ought, to imprint some sensible motion in you to beware by others harmes of drunken Companie. The Apoplexie, the Gout, Dropsie, Ague, spring out of this enchanting fountaine.
In regard of these grosse abuses, wee doe vtterly banish these present Drunkards out of our Territories of Parnassus; And we doe also enact that none of this infamous rout presume heereafter to touch our sacred two topt Mount. Prouided neuerthelesse and be it excepted out of the Premises, that it shall be lawfull at the end of euery meale for any honest man, without impeachment of Drunkennesse to pledge and carowse one draught of good liquor to their gracious Aduersaries, as a token of reconciliation, as the cup of Charitie, poculum Charitatis, which the Founder of Trinitie Colledge in Oxford decreed for euer among his Fellowes and Schollers, or poculum boni Genii,, the cup of good fellowship to the health of their cheerefull nature, which the Romans practised at their Feasts. [Marginal Note: Coel. Rhodigin. lib. 28. cap. 6.] And because the representation of this vgly vice may appeare in mens imaginations with some more feeling dint, we require our Pronotarie to publish these verses: /What: Kk3 (77)/
What at this day doe Brittaines Tongues bewray?
That by strong liquor some haue gone astray.
Faiths Temple they pollute with Cup and Can,
In Duties fayling towards God and Man. (wits
They spend their wealth, spoile their health, mar their
By drinking more then sober men befits.
Thus haue our bordring Dutchmen lately swill'd,
Vntill their Pots with Neighbours bloud are fill'd,
Repent, be wise in time by others harmes;
Flie witching Cups for feare of after-harmes.
If not: your King your Tauernes must destroy,
Least suffring Sinne himselfe doe feele annoy.
[Marginal Note: Euphrosynein Cambrens. Carol.]
Cur tua vox titubat, mea magna Britannia? Baccho
The Author of this Treatise called the Golden Fleece exhibits a Bill of Complaint against the Tobacconists of Great Brittaine.
Apollo condemnes the immoderate vse of Tobacco, and recommends the care of the extermination /thereof: (78)/ thereof to the Clergie and the Temporall Magistrate.
THe Author and Publisher of this present Treatise, seeing the beastly vice of Drunkennes like to be quite cashierd out of his natiue Country, with a streit commandement from his Maiestie to the Constables of euery seuerall Diuision, to conueigh the Offenders, from Parish to Parish towards the Sea-side, where they should take shipping for the Low Countries or Germanie, from whence they first had it: hee likewise burned with zeale to haue the common Takers of Tobacco sent after them. For, as he informed Apollo, it was not possible vtterly to banish Drunkennesse out of the Land, as long as the shooinhorne staid behinde, that Tobacco-taking of late yeeres supplied the vse of Preparatiues, Leaders, or drawers on of drinke, such as Caueare and salt meates were vsed among the Sibarites. To this Apollo answered, that it were fit Physicians should cause some skilfull Surgeons to let them bloud, in venacephalica, in the head veine, or to purge them with black Hellebore, for surely men beganne to grow mad and crazed in the brain in that they would aduenture to suck the smoke of a weed, nay if it were neuer so Catholick Medecin, at all times, feasting and fasting, in health aswell as sicknesse, without regard had to the persons, ages, sexes, times, temperatures, moist or dry, hot or cold. All this hath beene sundrie times repeated vnto them by many zealous Physicians of the /Soule (79)/ Soule and Bodie, replyed the Complaynant. And for my poore Talent, albeit neither Diuine nor Physician I haue not buried the same, but in most of my workes I haue rebuked the excessiue taking of Tobacco, and chiefly, in my Booke entituled Directions for Health, I haue canuased this abominable vice, I freely shewed, that by the inordinate taking of it, the course of Nature was peruerted, the state of the bodie turned topsie turuie, when the Nose, like a Chimney, did vent out vnnaturall smokes, which ought to exhale and breathe with naturall Aire, when the mouth ordained by nature to receiue in sustenance for the whole body is now become a priuy hole to spet, to spew, to spatter, and belch without need, yea and to cast vp whole gobbets of most necessary fleame, like stinking Oysters: when the stomack the bodies Kitchin, which ought to bee kept sweete, must harbour lothsome dampes, filthy excrements, and bad smels worse then the snuffe of a Candle, which otherwise would quickly passe through the guts to the sinke of the bodie.
Apollo at this relation demonstrated apparant tokens of sorrow, and commanded all the deuout Preachers of Parnassus to ioyne their heads together to beate the inconueniences into their Auditours consciences, and vnder paine of the Thunderbolt of Excommunication to will them to desist from making that crooked, which God had made straight, from defiling the house where the Holy Spirit ought to reside as a sanctified seate. /Whereto: (80)/ Whereto the sacred Ministers made answere, that they had employed the vttermost of their endeauours to clense that pure place, but by reason of sundry inuisible spirits, which the Deuill sent to tempt their Flockes, they contemned their wholsome counsels. And for the other point of Excommunication, that wrought lesse effect, by reason that that [sic MW] spirituall power in these dayes degenerated from the proper vse, being too commonly wrested and fulminated against men, euen for not paying of some pettie Fees due to the Officers of the Court.
Well then, said Apollo, if Saint Peters Keyes cannot preuayle, let Saint Pauls Sword, or rather that of Saint Peters, wherewith he strooke off Malchus Eare, serue to cut off this superfluous member. And to this end I require the Politicke Magistrates for their Countries good to punish all such common Tobacco-takers; and because they may doe it with our warrantable authoritie, let them proclaime these rules in euery place within their Iurisdictions.
Regna Britanna libras ter centum mille quotannè
Non opus Helleboro: iam quisque Tobaccon ab Aulâ
Vnde duplex vacuum sentit Respublica
Traiano Boccalini the Author of the Booke called the New-foundPolitick complayneth to Apollo, that the Seuen Wisemen of Greece, who were put in trust to reforme the World, did deceiue his Maiesties expectation; and that the World was worse then euer it was.
Apollo retires himselfe in discontent; but at length by the Fraternitie of the Rosie Crosse, he is comforted and walkes along with them in Procession.
TRaiano Boccalini the late Publisher of the Newes of Parnassus, whether of Zeale, or of Ambition, or of enuie to see many of his equals promoted in Apolloes Court, informed his Maiestie, that the Seuen Wisemen of Greece and others, whom he had deputed to reforme the World of their late corruptions, had more theorically and scholastically discoursed of remedies, then really found out any in substance to curbe or cure them. The Wiseman Thales, hee said, would faine haue a Surgeon of the Fairy-land to open a little window in the heart of man, whereby all his deceitfulnesse might appeare to one anothers sight. But forsooth for feare of a greater perill in launcing a musckle or principall veine in this miraculous fabrick of mans body, this speculatiue window must bee let alone. Solon perswaded them to take away the inequality of Mine and Thine, and to diuide the whole world anew, whereby euery man the Begger aswell as /the: Ll2 (83)/ the King, might haue his iust share. Chilon aduised to banish the vse of those Mettals of Gold and Siluer, as the pestiferous root of all Euill. Pittacus laid the fault of the moderne abuses vpon Rewards conferred on men of meane deserts, who entring into the sacred seats of Iustice peruerted all the Blessings, which God bestowed on Mankind, and caused their Attendants and Officers to be nicknamed Leaches, Butchers, and Tyrants. Periander would haue the imaginary vertues of Fidelitie and Secrecie restored and stampt in mens mindes. Bias his Proiect was to hunt men into their ancient habitations, where their old Ancestors inhabited a thousand yeeres past to giue elbow roome to the rightfull Owners. Cleobulus pronounced his definitiue sentence, that all the scope of the worlds reformation consisted in Rewarding the Good, and in punishing the wicked. Cato would haue the Catarrattes and windowes of Heauen opened and the whole World drowned againe, excepting some few of the male Children, to whom hee wished an ingendring and spreading power to bee giuen like Bees, to continue the race of men without being beholding vnto any more women, whose vnvnluckinesse, pride, and vanitie, as he said, occasioned all the villanies, which deformed the present World. In conclusion, Traiano Boccalini accused these Reformers for their Hypocriticall suggestions and conspiracies against the sacred honour of Apollo; in setting out Proclamations onely to please Fooles, that no Hucksters should sell oaten meale, /or: (84)/ or pease by a false dish, and such like trifling matters. And these friuolous Proclamations they divulged of purpose to blinde the eyes of the multitude, to seeme to doe somewhat, when as their Office and charge was to see a general Reformation of all the most notorious Vices, which infected the Generation of humane kinde, as Simony, sale of Iudges places, Bribery, and the like.
Apollo knowing this to bee true, which Boccalini with his too too [sic MW] lauish tongue had blabbed abroad, and ashamed, that euery common Citizen of Parnassus began now to smell out the drift of his Statesmen, and could readily descant of those secrets, which in ancient times as a diuine mysterie they concealed from vulgar minds, he retired himselfe much discontented aswell in respect of this cause, as for that it lay not in his absolute will to root out the knowledge of Euill from the Christian World. The Lady Minerua and the nine Muses laboured to mitigate his Maiesties griefe; telling him, that Sinne must raigne, as long as men beare sway in the World, vitia erunt donec homines. But no perswasions preuayled. No Company pleased his humour, saue sad Melpomenes, insomuch that many doubted lest some strange kinde of Melancholy, which the Physicians neuer heard of, would whirle about the braines of the vertuous, and at the last eclipse the glorious light of their vnderstanding, if the chiefe Lord of wisdomes Society should continue long in his retired Lodge.
While both the Head and members of this sa- /cred: Ll3 (85)/ cred Corporation suffered in this Labyrinth of sorrow and shame, the Lady Mnemosyne brought his Maiestie word, that foure graue personages were newly arriued at his Court Gate, stiling themselues the Fraternitie of the Rosie Crosse. At the first hee seemed to slight the newes, thinking they might be some of those Cabalisticall Mountebankes, which went abroad selling of smoke, and making credulous persons to belieue, that they were of a Mathematicall fry, and race of wise Philosophers, to whom Mercurius Trismegistius had transferred the neuer erring Art of discerning Truth from falshood, the meanes to vnite the variable will of man, and that which Worldlings doe most prize, to make the Philosophers Stone.
But when hee better vnderstood, that this Fraternitie were attired in long white Robes, with Oliue branches in their hands, and that they were the foure famous Patrones of Great Brittaines Monarchie, Saint George, Saint Andrew, Saint Dauid, and Saint Patricke, and that they attended at his Pallace Gate for his comming forth to Procession, great was his Ioy; and presently without intermission his Imperiall Maiestie came forth, and after hee had reuerently embraced and graced this Noble Fraternitie, hee told them the Causes of his late discontent, and that he tooke himselfe to bee much fauoured, that they resorted to visit him now in his griefes extremitie. Saint George answered, that the causes of his sadnesse conceiued for the vices and decayes of Great Brit- /taine: (86)/ taine proceeded of a fellow-feeling of a vertuous Conscience, and to that end they came now to discouer their knowldge, and to lay open the generall faults of that Monarchie in a new kinde of tickling straine, not so much to content the Iudicious, for they that be whole need no Physicians, as to draw the carnall minds of the Common people to heare their vices blamed, and consequently to make them ashamed, which are not altogether past grace. And now, said hee, if it please your Maiestie and your Learned Traine to walke along with vs in Procession round about this eminent Citie of Parnassus, wee will consecrate the Churches anew, which perhaps will worke some remorse and contrition; and for the obstinate, wee will blesse our selues and the Godly from their contagious Company.
Apollo bad them goe forwards, and that himselfe, the Lady Pallas, the Muses, the Graces, and all his Court euen from his Bedchamber to the Kitchin should follow to see the Consecration, and to heare the Vices and Errours of the Brittaines discouered.
The famous Patriarchs went forwards in such manner as the moderne Clergie are wont to goe in Procession, and euery one of them successiuely sung as followeth against the Corruptions of the Times.
The foure Patrones or Patriarches of Great Britaine doe sing in Procession the ensuing Rithmes. /Apollo: (87)/
Apollo pronounceth a conclusiue Oracle to remedie all Abuses, preparing the way to the Golden Fleece.
[Marginal Note: S. George.]
FRom painting of the Trinitie
From iesting with high Maiestie,
From th' Alcoran and Papistry,
From Brokers rotten Tapistry.
From deepe Mysteries too holy:
From mad Fits and Melancholy;
From Iesuits Monkes, and Friers:
From Hypocrites, Knaues and Liers.
From trusting Saints, distrusting God
From feeling of his wrath and rod.
From Romes Pardons, Bulls and Masses:
From Wine Lees, and broken Glasses.
From Sale of Soules, and Heauens Gifts,
From Beades and bables, Whoorish shifts.
From wounding Christ on Gods right hand:
From grounding Faith vpon the sand.
From parting thence by any way
His Bodie plac't vntill Doomesday.
From condemning sacred Marriage:
From secret shrift, and lustfull rage.
From Trust to Merits, except Christs
From Iuglers trickes and Antichrists.
Our Christs great Genius
Blesse and defend vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Andrew.]
FRom blaming things indifferent:
From working in our Faith a rent. /From: (88)
From a selfe-will'd rash Puritane,
As from a Foole, or Mauritane.
From him that railes against a Cope,
And yet would be his Parish Pope.
From ingrossing from a Brother
Goods or Charge due to another.
From many Offices alone,
Or Benefices more then One.
From causing Scandall to my Place,
Vsurping much with shamelesse face.
From Clergy-men non Residents:
From such as shew ill Presidents.
From slie Pick-locks, and Cut-purse Kniues:
From stealing Honey from Bee-hiues.
From flaunting in anothers Coat,
Like AEsops Daw, preaching by roat,
From Dancing on the Sabaoth Day:
From shewing Youth lewd Cupids way.
Our Sauiours Genius
Shield and protect vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Dauid.]
FRom swallowing Law with greedie throat:
From tearing Christ his seamelesse Coat.
From selling Christ for Earthly drosse;
From wealth gain'd by good Christians losse.
From Iudges sentence after Sacke:
From Thunder, Tempests, and Sea-wracke.
From those, which Plaintiffes most approue;
As from Munkeyes, which Spiders loue.
From Lawes, which wrest the Sickmans staffe:
From Swine, which eate more Foule then draffe./From: Mm (89)/
From letting Lawyers haue their wils:
From Scammonie made into Pils.
From hirelings Tongues, and Make-bates hisse,
Betraying Law with Iudas kisse.
From a corrupted stately Iudge,
Which makes good Clients moyle and drudge.
From Magistrates too insolent:
From needlesse Courts impertinent.
From them which speake not what they thinke;
Which blame small faults, at greater winke.
From Iudges vpstart late from Clownes:
From Serpents stings, or Tyrants frownes.
The Worlds bright Genius
Keepe and defend vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Patrick.]
FRom hired Spies, and hidden Foes,
More dangerous then any woes.
From Leaders young, or too too Old:
From Souldiers knowne of nature Cold.
From Butchers, which mans bloud doe spill:
From sparing those, whom God bids, kill.
From a Commander meanly borne:
From reaping Tares insteed of Corne.
From hopes in Captaines not belou'd;
From ordring Bees, when they are mou'd.
From meeting Straglers night or day.
Left unprouided by the way.
From Souldiers tumults, taunts, and quips,
If long vnpaid in Forts or Ships.
From Leaders without stratagems;
From letting Hogs haue precious Gems.
From a Leader too out-ragious: /From: (90)/
From a Captaine not couragious.
From filthy moores and Irish bogs,
From Scottish mists and English fogs.
Shield and preuent vs.
[Marginal Note: S. George.]
FRom Spanish Pensions, and their Spies:
From weeping Cheese with Argus eyes,
From slumbring long in carelesse Peace:
From dreaming oft of curelesse ease.
From fond Maskes, and idle mumming:
From fain'd Playes and causelesse drumming.
From preferring Peace with danger
Before iust Warre, wrongs reuenger.
From suffering Foes to triumph still;
From letting Sathan haue his will.
From falling from Saint Michaels armes,
Not taking heed by othes harmes.
From puffing vp proud Giants growne.
From pulling Dauids courage downe.
From louing Money more then God;
From keeping Beanes within the cod.
From disbursing needfull treasure,
To maintayne phantastick pleasure.
From greasing Lawyers hands with Gold,
Which better serues to keepe a Hold.
From fostring Suites (O poys'nous Toad)
For Money, which ends Warres abroad.
From those men, which sue Protections
To shrowd their lewd shrewd Defections.
Great Brittaines Genius
Guard and restore vs.
/From: Mm2 (91)/
[Marginal Note: S. Andrew.]
FRom Iesuits old conuerted,
As from Brownists young peruerted.
From the Simony of a Priest;
From Mills, which spoyle the Owners griest.
From glorying in an outward Robe:
From tainting Faith. The Saints Wardrobe.
From a Priest, that couets money;
From a Bee-hiue without Honey,
From Preachers, which to Pride encline,
Or from old plainnesse may decline.
From those, which in silke Robes doe ruffle,
Which more for Goods then Good doe scuffle.
From such as liue vpon the lurch,
Like Dogs and Hogs within the Church.
From men, whose wits lie in their beards;
From Goats, and all such impious heards.
From the Bibles false construction,
As from ruine and destruction.
From all AEquiuocation,
With mentall reseruation.
From Romes Charmes and Babels Ballets:
From Lumbards bits and Spanish Sallets.
Our Christian Genius,
Saue and protect vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Dauid.]
FRom Westminster Hals Out-laties:
From causelesse long vagaries.
From meeting strong Competitours:
From Iudges growne Sollicitours.
From contesting with Superiours,
Or despising our Inferiours. /From: (92)/
From contending with our Equals,
Procuring anger, blowes, or brawles.
From crossing men in their disputes;
From losing loue, and Friends salutes:
From angring Lords, or Court Minions:
From selfe-will and wits opinions.
From Law-suits worse, then Spanish Poxe,
As bad as Hornes, or Widowes boxe.
From ignorant Clerkes and Deacons;
From seeing of fired Beacons.
From angring God with Cup or Can:
From drinking more, then serues one man.
From keeping Drunkards company:
From Agues, Coughes, or Timpany.
From Ale-houses, Bowling Allies;
From Bulls Pizzles, and Spaines Gallies.
Sweet vertues Genius
Blesse, shield, and saue vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Patrick.]
FRom all Actions, which are euill;
From vaine shewes, the Flesh, and Deuill.
From all State Reason hatcht in Spaine,
Which will doe wrong, and wrong maintaine.
From bloudy Clements cursed Knife,
That sought to spoyle his Souereignes life.
From Rauiliacks damned Dagger:
From Iesuits, that will swagger.
From Forraigne Focs inuasions:
From Papisticall perswasions.
From them, which make free Christians slaues.
Ambitious Dons with Moorish braues. /From: (93)/
From sudden Insurrections:
From poysoned Confections.
From the Spanish Inquisition:
From want of good Munition.
From false and lewd Conspiracies:
From Rouers and Sea Piracies.
From rampant Nuns now clad in gray:
From Strumpets wholy giu'n to play.
From burning baits and Sinnes desire;
As from the smoke of Sea-coale fire.
Our Sauiours Genius
Saue and defend vs.
[Marginal Note: S. George.]
FRom carrying Coine out of this Land
Without the which it cannot stand.
From Wares and Bils of Bankers strange,
Except we cloth and fish exchange.
From bringing backe the Foxes Taile
For many Skins sold by retaile.
From priuate Gaine by publicke losse:
From comming home by weeping Crosse.
From wasting Woods for Timber fit;
From Troians too late after wit.
From high Sayles, and costly Coaches:
From Pickpurse Drugs, and much Loches.
From all Tobaccoes stinking fume:
From a foule breath, and store of Rheume.
From wearing Gold or Siluer-lace,
While Dearth and Warres rush on apace.
From Meate and Drinke seru'd in much Plate,
When Penury afflicts the State. /From: (94)/
From such, as English Carzey slight,
Preferring Spaines Silkes weake and light.
Our States great Genius
Blesse and defend vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Andrew.]
FRom eating Flesh insteed of Fish:
From hauing Scandall in my dish.
From spending time at Tragedies:
Or hard got Coine at Comedies.
From reading foolish Rimers Bookes,
Or lying Tales, like bayted hookes.
From much Play at Noddy and Trumpe:
As from the Smell of foule ship-pumpe.
From many Horses, Hounds, and Hawkes:
Actaeons end, or plots of Faukes.
From idle Tales, Wares and Fables:
From Primero, Gleeke, and Tables.
From Irish, Lurch, Chance, and Ticktack.
The Boot deseruing or the Racke.
From the Truth maskt in disguise:
From all friuolus surmises.
From Cursing and from Periury:
From Coyning and from Forgery.
From Parasites, Knaues, and Sharkers,
From such Dogs, as are no barkers
From an Alchymist growne threed-bare:
From much carke, and foolish care
The Heauens high Genius,
Guard and refine vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Dauid.]
FRom being vnthankfull vnto friends:
From leauing Angels, louing fiends. /From: (95)/
From all Physicians Recipes,
Which commonly proue Decipes.
From Physicke at a Papists hand:
From him, which hates his Natiue Land.
From an Emperickes experience:
From a Scriueners straight-lac't Conscience.
From Tauernes, Tables, Cards, and Dice:
From Beggery, bad Name, and Lice.
From boystrous stormes and blustring blasts:
From ships at Sea, which haue no masts.
From Pot-bardhs and Poetasters:
From all vnthrifts, and great wasters.
From them, which dine alwayes in Powles:
From all Carousers in great bowles.
From a Crab-face, which neuer smiles.
From Lawyers full of quirkes and wiles.
From Vsurers, and base Brokers;
From Attourneyes, that be soakers.
From Cut-throat Mercers baits and Bookes:
From Beares, big bugs, and rauenous Rookes.
From womens smiles and tempting lookes:
From Crocodiles and Cheaters hookes.
From a woman, which is franticke;
From a Seruingman Pedantick.
From too much sweat and trudging toyle,
As from a Lampe without some Oyle.
Heauens bright Genius
Shield and preuent vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Patrick.]
FRom Vagabonds, Knaues, and Gypsies:
From Comets and Sunnes Eclipses. /From: (96)/
From bloudie Surgeons, that would purge vs:
From cruell Iudges, that would scourge vs.
From a young Physicians Physicke;
From the Lungs, Consumption, Tisick.
From brain-sicke Louers fond Conceits:
From coozening Pedlers strange deceits.
From Coughes, Blindnesse, and Vertigo:
From Biles, Tetters, and Serpigo.
From all Poxes and the Meazels;
From a House too full of Weazels.
From the Plague and putrid Feuer
Blesse me, Lord, and keepe me euer.
From the Scuruie, Crampe, and Itches,
From Bone-aches, and sore Stiches.
From the Gout, the Stone and Collicke;
Which some hinder to be frollicke.
From numme Palsies, and pale Dropsies;
From secret Griefes and Pleurisies.
From scabbed hands and foule Blisters:
From Purgations and much Glisters.
From Gluttonie and Drunkennesse
Causing these, and eu'ry sicknesse.
True Physicks Genius,
Conuert and heale vs.
[Marginal Note: S. George.]
From Seruingmen without good parts:
From feeding such fit for dung-carts.
From Lubbers that will eate and drinke,
Doing nothing else, but lie and stinke.
From rude Carters, and raw Saylers;
From Quick-sands, and Bedlem-Raylers. /From: Nn (97)/
From Bonds for Debts, or Indentures;
As from perillous Aduentures.
From one that feares to tame a Scold:
From a Coward and a Cuckold.
From proud Ladies vse of Pattens:
From the Popes and Paris Mattens.
From those which scorne their Countries tire,
And to Out-landish bend, like Wire.
From those, which long for each trifle.
And their Husbands Purses rifle.
From those, which hunt for curious cheere,
Chicken Peepers, and Phesants deere.
From Ladies vse of waters hot;
From pimpled faces, and teeths rot.
From them, which loue themselues alone;
Or such, as loue more Mates then one.
From a woman, thats wont to friske:
From Wine, which tasts not liuely brisk.
Our Soules bright Genius
Diuert and keepe vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Andrew.]
FRom Mens long locks, and Maids cut haire;
From these with points, those painted faire.
From Citizens like Gallants drest:
From Apes vngrac't, and so vnblest.
From things, Scandall which engender;
Geese with Ganders changing gender;
From Periwickes and curled lockes:
From Womanizers, and Smel-smockes
From Newfangles, and Fond-fashions;
From fooles fancies, and wild Passions. /From: (98)/
From setting Maids to Dancing Schooles,
Or Musicke much, to make them Fooles.
From a Cockney shallow-headed,
Tells not what legs a Sheepe hath dead.
From gazing on a Beauteous skin:
From a faire Apple, foule within.
From kissing much a Damsell sweet,
Though for a Pope a morsell meet.
From sucking on a lickrish bait:
From making crooked what is strait.
From faire Gazers out at Casements;
From false Mistresses embracements.
From Slanders cutting worse then Swords;
From bawdy tests, and beastly words.
The Starres faire Genius
Saue and direct vs.
[Marginal Note: S. Dauid.]
FRom lulling in a Ladies lap,
Like a great Foole, which longs for pap.
From Time ill spent, and vaine Repute:
From Apple-trees without some fruit.
From Faith without wrought Charitie;
From false pretending Pietie.
From loue of Pelfe and worldly wealth,
Not carking most for my Soules health.
From Siluer Pictures loue or Gold;
From fancying Earth, when I am old.
From buying Lands Old and cruell;
From losing Heauen, gayning Hell
From Diues fare [?], and hardned mind;
While Lazarus with hunger's pin'd. /From: N2 (99)/
From tumbling in a downy bed,
While Godlier men for cold lie dead.
From Misers, and those greedy Elues,
Which loue no Creatures but themselues.
From wishing Neighbours lazie bones,
When Hiues are full, to play the Drones.
From sneaking like a Snaile at home;
When Forraigne Climes yeeld elbow rome;
From them which hate Plantations:
From Sathans combinations.
Our Christ's bright Genius
Blesse and reforme vs
[Marginal Note: S. Patrick.]
FRom a faire House which seldome smoakes,
While the Owner in Riot soakes.
From slauish prodigalitie:
From miserable frugalitie.
From a Cloake that's full of patches:
From a Hen which neuer hatches.
From seeing Elues or strange Monsters;
Or those men my mind misconsters.
From those which causlesse doe arrest vs.
When we would gladly sit and rest vs.
From such sights make vs amazed:
From a Chamber not well glazed.
From rude people in a furie:
From a false and partiall Iurie.
From Almanacks false predictions:
From th'Exchange and Currents fictions.
From White Spaniards, or Red headed:
From all Women which are bearded. /From: (100)/
From Black-haird Women, stubborne proud:
From Little Deuils scolding loud.
From the Faire-snouted held for Fooles;
From all long stow-backs, idle tooles.
From Red-hair'd Foxes, closely bad:
From pale and leane, too peeuish sad.
The Worlds great Genius,
Blesse and defend vs.
After these deuout Patriarchs and famous Fraternitie of the Rosie Crosse, had made an end of their Hymnes with an applauding Alleluiah to the Diuine Maiestie, for the discouery of themselues now at a pinch, when Sathan thought to sift vs all as Wheate, and vtterly to eclipse the glory of this Monarchie, they interceded vnto Apolloes Maiestie, that hee would proclaime some fauourable Edict on the behalfe of their humble and penitent Clients. Whereupon the Noble Emperour rose vp from his Sunny Throne, and pronounced his Oracle.
[Marginal Note: Apolloes Oracle.]
If Brittaines King like valiant Hercules,
His Stables cleanse, and those Foxes footlesse,
Which Christian Vines destroy, do firret out;
His Prouinces shall rise without all doubt.
And brauely flourish by our Golden Fleece;
As Rome was, sau'd once by the noyse of Geese,
So he restraine some of these vagaries:
For Contraries are cur'd by Contraries. /CHAP.: (101)/
Orpheus Iunior sheweth that one of the chiefest causes of the Decay of Trading in Great Brittaine proceeded by the rash Aduentures of the Westerne Merchants in passing the Straites of Gibraltar, and in fishing on the Coast of Newfoundland, without wasting ships to defend them from Pirats.
THe next day after this memorable Procession of the famous Fraternity. Apollo caused a publick Proclamation to bee set vp on the great Porch of Neptunes Royall Exchange, willing and requiring all such as wished wel to Great Britaine to repaire with their grieuances before him into the Hall of the said Exchange, where hee had appointed a particular meeting for the affaires of that Commonwealth in the afternoone of the said day. Orpheus Iunior finding by experience, that one of the late causes of the Decay of Trade arose by the misgouerned and stragling courses of the Westerne Merchants, which either of foole-hardinesse, carelessenesse, or of a griping humour to saue a little charge, aduentured in their returne from Newfoundland, without Fleets, or Wafters to guard them, or any politicke Order to passe through the Straits of Gibraltar, to the Dominions of the King of Spaine, to Marseilles, or Italy, where yeerly they met with the Moorish Pirats, who by the conniuance of the Great Turk, were suffered to prey vpon al Christiãs, which they encountred. with these inconueniences Orpheus Iunior being grieued to see his Countrie suf- /fer: (102)/ fer through these Merchants sides, he exhibited a Petition to his Imperiall Maiestie. Shewing these irregular courses, as also how that the Golden Fleece which now became rife in all mens mouthes might bee quickly surprized and anihilated, if his Prouidence did not betimes take some safe course to secure the labours of those new Argonautickes, which spared no shipping to saile into those Coasts, where this precious Fleece flourished on the backes of Neptunes Sheepe.
Apollo vpon this Information examined the proceedings of the English, and comparing them with the Hollanders, as also with those of other Companies established with Priuiledges and Ciuill Order; foudn more confusion among the Fishermen of Newfoundland, then in any other. For wheresoeuer the Hollanders either fished or traded, they went strongly guarded with wafting Ships to preuent all casualties: The Spaniards likewise being taught in Queene Elizabeths time by the English, & sithence by the Moorish Pirats to go wel prouided with some ships of Defence. Yea, and all those Companies in London, which the King of Great Britaine had graced with Charters and Freedomes prospered, and neuer went abroad without sufficient strength. Onely, those petty Merchants, which were led with desire of Gaine, not willing to enranke themselues into an orderly Societie, but as it were in despite of Gouernment singled and seuered from Fleets, these became continually a spoyle to the Pirats. /His: (103)/
His Maiesty viewed the East India Company, and found them Rich with many braue seruiceable Ships.
He searched into the strength of the Turkie Merchants, and saw them stored with warlike Munition and abounding in wealth; yea, and by their painfull Trading getting the start of the Italians, which heretofore in Argosies gained and exported great treasure out of this Kingdome.
He pryed into the state of the Moscouie Company, and found them very able subsisting of themselues, and readie to supply their Countrey with many rich Commodities.
He entred into the Mystery of the French Societie, and also into the Easterne Merchants, and beheld them winning the Trade from the Balticke Sea, and the Hans Towne in Germany.
Onely the Westerne Trading he saw out of square, and all for want of setled Fleets.
At last it came into his Maiesties minde, that the Noble King Iames of happy memory did about three yeeres past see into these discommodities, and thereupon directed out a Commission at the suite of the Corporation for the Plantation of the Newfoundland, to prouide a couple of good Ships on the charge of the Fishermen, which yeerely frequented that Coast, continually to assist them against the inuasions of Pirats, who had in a few yeeres before pillaged them to the damage of fortie thousand pounds, besides a hundred Peeces of Ordnance, and had taken away aboue fifteene hun- /dred: (104)/ dred Mariners to the great hinderance of Nauigation and terrour of the Planters.
Vpon mature consideration of this Royall Commission Apollo pronounced, that it was necessary to keepe this Commission still a foot, aswell in time of peace as of Warre, both for the rearing of expert Commanders at Sea, as for the securing of that most hopefull Country. And to this purpose he commanded Orpheus Iunior to attend at his Maiesties Court of Great Britaine, and to sollicit his Soueraigne to conclude that Noble Designe,
These pages constructed by Duleepa Wijayawardhana