Being a LBGT person today is a lot different than 10 years ago. Much of the discrimination has been eliminated, but unfortunately not all of it. More LBGT people are attending post secondary institutions as well, including Memorial University. This means that we all need somewhere to live and many from outside St. John’s turn to the Paton College Residences. I myself live in residence, or what we within the University boundaries prefer to call the "Rez". I live in Doyle House, the only all male residence on campus, so it was hard when I decided to come out. It seems like a million years ago, but it was actually only 2 short months ago.
In Doyle I was a closeted gay guy who didn’t even accept it myself. But luckily I didn’t try to suppress these feelings with homophobia. All my friends knew that I was a very liberal person and didn’t appreciate any kind of homophobic comments (though they still did not once suspect the fact that I was gay). Until I came to university I had met no other gay guys. This was hard cause I knew no-one who was gay, and all my friends were straight or in the closet like me. I heard that there was a gay guy living in another residence, but I never once talked to him because I didn’t know how.
I thought living in Doyle and being gay just wasn’t going to work. I thought I would be rejected and would have to move out. Or I could not be not be gay, but changing who you are is kinda hard. So, I decided I would tell my friends and let their reactions help me decide what it would be like living there if I did come back. First I told a couple of girls I work with. I was worried that they were going to be angry, but neither minded. In fact we are now closer friends then before. We share more and talk a lot more. Then I decided it was time to tell some of the guys at Doyle. The first person I told was my roommate for the Winter semester. His reaction was positive and he said that he had a friend who went through the same thing in high school. I was very happy when I got that reaction then it actually got addictive and I told another person who was fine with it, he has many gay friends and he even told me that he wouldn’t want to see me leave Doyle for that reason. My entire expectations were blown completely out of the water... in a good way. I told more people and before the week was over I had told 17 people and all of them were fine with it. In fact I only had one negative reaction when one guy said initially he might be uncomfortable living with me in the same house. But after talking to him his opinion has changed dramatically and he is coming to understand me and be more accepting.
Also, I would like to give a huge thanks to LBGT MUN. I went to the center after a while of being afraid to go inside. Even going to the same floor the center was on caused me some trouble at first. I talked to a couple of their volunteers email for a while before I finally got the nerve to actually go there. When I agreed to meet a volunteer there I walked in a complete circle around the 6th floor pretending I was lost. I was out by the bulletin boards for about 10 minutes before I finally got the nerve to walk those few feet and get stuff that was bothering me off my chest. When I look back at it I feel kind of silly for being afraid, but I was going through a lot and was afraid of being seen here. Now it doesn’t bother me and I volunteer at the center. Coming here was one of the best decisions. The center has helped me accept who I am and with this I know that I can live in Doyle house and finally be myself after all these years of hiding in the closet. And another huge thanks goes to the volunteer that I saw first. You helped me a lot. Also thanks to all the other volunteers and people that I have met during the past few months. You are all the greatest.
As I write I feel a lot more comfortable with myself and living in Paton College and Doyle House. I had mistakenly doubted my friends’ ability to accept me. I am happy to have had the honor to live with these guys. Living in rez and being gay is a good experience and you are never alone. If you are reading this and are planning on coming to residence don’t let being gay, lesbian or anything stop you. Each house includes people to help you (resident assistants, executive members, staff and proctors are always there to help). Living in residence is a great experience. The friends that you make there last a life time and it can be cheaper than an apartment. Moving there to attend Memorial University was one of the best choices I have made. Being gay shouldn’t control your life its normal and no reason to run from the things you want.
Roy Ward
2nd year MUN Student
Editorial Note:
It is wonderful to see that Roy had a positive experience coming out to his friends in and outside of Rez. This tells us that instances of openness and acceptance can be very empowering and rewarding - well worth the risk of coming out. However, it would be naive to deny that heterosexism and homophobia exist. Each LGBTQQ person when considering coming out needs to decide for themselves and assess the risks involved. Having a support network, like LGBT-MUN, can certainly help you to make the best decision.