By logging on to The Heterosexism Enquirer, you've come to THE place that dares to answer your politically incorrect questions!
If you've taken the "The Are My Attitudes Heterosexist?" Test, then you may have recognized some of the questions asked of heterosexuals as ones you've wanted to ask lesbians, gays & bisexuals. Because LGB are commonly asked these questions, we will address some of them first...& then proceed with answering other politically incorrect inquiries. Since providing you with accurate & comprehensive answers is important, this page will take time to grow. In time, we hope to address all of your politically incorrect questions! But for now, keep reading to discover the answers to 5 of the most common questions about lesbians, gays & bisexuals!
1. When did you realize you were gay? How did you become gay? Is it a phase?
In the heterosexist atttiudes questionnaire, heterosexuals were asked why they were heterosexual, what caused it & at what age they believed they became heterosexual. More than likely, if you're straight & you ask yourselves these questions, you will experience some confusion - "what do you mean, I’ve always been heterosexual, that’s who I am!". Because heterosexuality is so taken for granted, nobody ever asks why. And, when you think about it, "why" is irrelevant. It doesn’t matter why you’re heterosexual -- you’re still going to feel the same way, you’re still going to be attracted to the opposite sex no matter if it’s a result of genetics, biology, or socialization. And it’s the same for gays/lesbians/bisexuals. The difference, however, is that there’s been a focus on the "causes of homosexuality"...maybe with hope that it can be fixed.
Some members of the LGB community hope that research will conclusively prove that sexual orientation is biologically determined -- it is argued that if sexual behavior is proven to be biologically programmed, than people will respect the fact that it's not freely or frivolously chosen. Other members of the LGB community are worried that conclusive evidence that sexual orientation is biologically determined could lead to a movement to eliminate homosexuality through genetic engineering, surgery, or other interventionist strategies.
Some of you may have heard through the media that new research indicates that sexual orientation does have biological origins -- specifically that there are differences in the brains of heterosexuals and homosexuals. There have been numerous attempts by scientists to prove this link. In 1991, neuroscientist Simon LeVey reported that an area of the brain that is speculated to play a part in sexual behavior was 3 times larger in heterosexual men than in homosexual men. Other studies indicate that a genetic mechanism triggers hormonal secretions prenatally that organize the brain in such a way that a person is later attracted to the opposite or the same sex. In all of these types of studies, researchers have been unable to replicate the findings - with good, conclusive research, when the same study is attempted by other researchers, the same results should be achieved. Another problem with this body of research is that lesbians have been excluded -- the studies have examined only gay men. Furthermore, most of these studies have been based on very small samples -- LeVay, for example, studied only 41 brains. (Renzetti & Curran, 1999)
There are various myths about the causes of sexual orientation. One is that it’s contagious. Neither heterosexuality or homosexuality, however, can be "caught". No research indicates that sexual orientation can be learned or unlearned. Another is that it can be changed. Research indicates that sexual orientation cannot be changed through psychotherapy. Research does show that such attempts do have very damaging effects: it perpetuates the feeling of guilt & shame associated with being "different" & it interferes with attempts of families to accept their lesbian & gay children. Another myth is that sexual abuse makes people gay or lesbian - this myth is addressed on the 2nd politically incorrect question, below.
In terms of the causes of ALL sexual orientations, this is the bottom line: it seems to be established early in life -- i.e.. we start to become aware of feeling sexually attracted to whomever at adolescence & sooner -- & all research, albeit inconclusive, indicates that it’s probably the result of a complex combination of genetic, biological, & social factors. As one scientist observed, "in an ideal world, it shouldn't matter whether there's a biology to sexual preference or not; we should just merely respect each other." (Renzetti & Curran, 1999)
2. Is it possible that you are a lesbian because you have had negative experiences with men? How do you know that the right guy won't come along & fix all that?
It is a common misconception that sexual abuse makes people gay or lesbian. This view perpetuates a very negative view of same sex orientation & is not based on fact. Research has shown that the vast majority of sexual abusers of both boys & girls, are men. It doesn’t make sense to conclude that being sexually abused by men leads to men being attracted to men while women become afraid of them. Also, research shows that the incidence of sexual abuse among lesbians is the same among the general population of all women. If the sexual abuse of girls led to lesbianism, there would be many more lesbians -- also, the rate of lesbians who were abused as children would be higher than the general population.
3. If lesbians are attracted to women, why do they want to look like men? And, if gays are attracted to men, why do they want to look like women?
In fact, not all gay men fit the stereotype of the drag queen, nor are all lesbians butch. Because many do not conform to these stereotypes, they are invisible -- you would never know. Others try to stay clear of the stereotypes because of the fear of being associated with a group that’s hated & feared. This stereotype derives from the misconception that sex orientation is due to confusion about one’s gender. It is not. One’s level of satisfaction with one’s biological status as male or female is not related to sexual orientation. Those gays/lesbians who choose to defy traditional gender role expectations in terms of styles of dress & behavior, are more often than not courageously expressing the dissatisfaction that they feel about the limitations that gender roles impose upon them. For others, it is a way to represent their acceptance of difference -- a way to affirm & recognize their sexuality. Other gays & lesbians who conform to stereotypes have merely just internalized them -- they have come to believe & accept the stereotypes.
So, in terms of gender role behavior, there is diversity among gays & lesbians in terms of conforming or not conforming & in terms of their reasons for being conformists / non conformist. When you think about it, there is a lot of diversity among heterosexuals in terms of gender role behavior. Not all women, for example, feel comfortable wearing dresses, skirts, & makeup. The acceptance or rejection of gender roles is not predetermined by ones sexual orientation & can be influenced by many factors.
This is a question on the minds of many heterosexuals...but when would you ever get the opportunity to ask?! Just never refer to porn flicks designed for heterosexuals to get the answer! The fact is, the range of lesbian sexual behavior is limitless & diverse. The reason why it is so difficult for heterosexuals to conceptualize lesbian sexuality is due to the way our society defines sex. The definition is extremely limited & doesn't have much to do with women's pleasure. Just think about how you initially learned about sex, about what you were told. More than likely, you learned that sex is intercourse - that a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina; that sex is something that men do to women. Sadly, you were probably never told, as a woman, how to experience orgasm, or as a man, how a woman achieves orgasm...according to all reports, it is not usually through intercourse! In fact, in heterosexual language, women usually achieve orgasm during foreplay...everything that happens before the man reaches orgasm. This is not to imply that all lesbian sex is similar to heterosexual foreplay. It can entail the entire spectrum of pleasurable possibilities...sensual touching, oral sex, vaginal penetration...the list is truly endless & is entirely based on women's individual preferences. Lesbians are as diverse as heterosexual women. Not all women have sex or achieve orgasm in the same way. And, with regards to the lingering penetration question, please use a little creative imagination...If you really want to know the answer to that one, check out the sexuality section in a good, local bookstore (the editor thinks it may change the rating of the site!).
5. Being gay, lesbian, or bisexual is one thing...but why bring kids into it??? Isn't it bad for the children?
For 15 to 20 years, social researchers have examined the "effects" of gay/lesbian parenting on children. To date, no study has shown any harm on children raised by lesbian or gay parents.
In fact, research on parenting skills reveals:
lesbian & gay parents have parenting skills that are at least the equivalent of heterosexual parents. lesbian mothers do not differ in life styles, child rearing practices, & general demographic data from heterosexual mothers. lesbian mothers as a group appear to be more concerned for their children’s long range development than heterosexual mothers as a group. there are no discernible differences between the parenting styles of gay & non gay fathers. lesbians or gay parents are no more likely to suffer from psychopathology than heterosexual parents. there is no evidence to support the myth that lesbian or gay parents are more likely to sexually abuse their children or to allow others to molest their children. Offenders are disproportionately heterosexual men. it is assumed that gay relationships are more transient & that children will thus suffer more from family disruption. Lesbian relationships are no more transient than heterosexual relationships.
Research on the children raised by lesbian & gay parents reveals:
there are no differences in the psychological heath of children raised by gay or straight parents. home environments provided by gay & lesbian parents are as likely as those provided by heterosexual parents to support & enable children’s psychosocial growth. with respect to sexual identity, psychological development, & relationships with peers & adults, children raised by gays/lesbians develop similarly to those raised by heterosexual parents. the gender identity of children raised by a lesbian mother does not differ from the gender identity of children raised by a heterosexual mother. The children of a lesbian mother are just as likely as the children of a heterosexual mother to identify psychologically as a member of their biological sex & to be content with that status. with regards to gender role behavior, there is no difference in the gender role behaviors of children raised by lesbian/gay parents & those raised by heterosexual parents. Boys raised by lesbians tend to show gender role behavior ordinarily regarded as masculine & girls, behavior regarded as feminine. that being raised by a lesbian or gay parent does not increase the likelihood that a child will become lesbian or gay. There is no evidence that children develop their sexual behavior by emulating their parents. As they mature, children develop sexual orientation independently of their parents. in terms of behavioral problems, such as hyperactivity, unsociability, emotional difficulty, & conduct problems, there are no differences between individuals raised by a lesbian mother & those raised by a heterosexual mother. in terms of self-esteem or self-concept, a study of adolescents finds no differences between children of divorced mothers living with a same sex partner & children of divorced mothers living with an opposite sex partner. in a study that examined children raised from birth by either lesbian or heterosexual mothers, children raised by lesbian mothers reported greater feelings of contentedness & comfort with themselves than did children of heterosexual mothers. peer relationships tend to be equivalent with no differences in the popularity of children raised by lesbians or heterosexual mothers. as a group, lesbian mothers have been shown to be more concerned than divorced heterosexual mothers that their children have positive relationships with men. the fears of harm to children from social stigma associated with the sexual orientation of the parent have been shown to be unfounded. One study revealed that only 5 % of the children who had lived with an openly gay or lesbian parent experienced harassment by other children. Where children do experience harassment, the incidents are generally infrequent & consist of minor verbal teasing, like name-calling. This teasing must have no significant long term effects given the overwhelming evidence that there are no differences in the psychological adjustment between children of gay & lesbian parents & children of heterosexual parents. When you examine the phenomena of teasing, many children are teased because they differ from the norm -- either in their appearance, race, religion, economic status, etc. There is nothing about lesbian / gay parents that has been proven to be abusive or dangerous to their children. Homophobia, however, is cruel to the children of lesbian & gay parents. Because of our laws, children of lesbian relationships could lose their non-biological parent if their biological parent died. Also, Canadian children have no right to the estate of a non-biological parent who dies without a will. Loss of a primary caregiver is devastating to any child -- our society does not even acknowledge this loss when the parent is gay or lesbian.
Given the prevalence of homophobia in our society, it would be expected that the children of lesbian & gay parents would be extremely maladjusted. Since studies have shown, however, that their children are as equally well-adjusted as children of heterosexual parents, lesbian/gay parents must be doing something right! But even if evidence showed the contrary -- that the children of lesbian & gay parents suffered permanently from the effects of homophobia, would we have the right to deny them parenthood? If yes, shouldn’t we take it one step further & deny parenthood to all minority groups because their children, for example, might experience racism? Wouldn’t it make more sense to try to combat racism & homophobia by eliminating it from society? (Arnup, 1995)
Created by former Editor, L. Yetman, 2000.
Why do any two people who are in a committed relationship want to get married? Perhaps because they want to celebrate and confirm their relationship in front of friends and family. Perhaps they want to be acknowledged by society as a couple, both informally but also formally by state institutions. Perhaps they want to ensure that they have the right to protect each other in the event of illness or death, in the face of challenges from others who might otherwise intervene or inherit. Perhaps they have religious commitments, and consider marriage a form of affirming that their love for one another is God given and expressions of their sexuality are sanctioned. Or there may be many other reasons.....
Not all gay and lesbian couples do want to Marry, any more than every straight couple. But for those who do, denying that right feels like being reduced to a second class minority.
In spite of socially conservative protests to the contrary, the reality that that gays and lesbians can marry in Canada does not change the status of heterosexual marriage. Any committed loving relationship between consenting adults is worthy of celebration.
Leslie Bella, THE editor, January 2006.