Prior to launching the Heterosexism Enquirer, it was requested by the School of Social Work’s human subject’s committee that we warn Forum participants about the dangers of dating people you meet through the Internet. It was suggested by some site visitors that the assumption that same sex relationships are as dangerous as heterosexual relationships was one based on heterosexism. When Leslie Bella asked Forum participants whether they considered the warnings to be heterosexist, it led to a discussion of violence in same sex relationships.
One Forum participant states, "I think that an assumption that same sex relationships are free from harassment and violence is dangerous". With lesbian relationships in particular, there is an assumption that "women are different", that relationships with women will be inherently equal, respectful, loving, & free from violence. As Forum participants state, this is not necessarily the case. Abusive same-sex relationships are not only possible but they exist. "Gender aside, relationships aren't going to be inherently equal, respectful, and loving! People have to make them that way". One participant suggests that because the only accepted model of relating is the heterosexual one, that heterosexual roles, specifically the traditional roles of husband & wife (i.e. masculine/feminine; dominant/submissive), get duplicated in the ways that some lesbians interact in relationships. While the analysis was posed as a question, this forum participant describes a relationship in which she was abused by her partner in a relationship that was based on traditional heterosexual gender roles.
It was concluded that The Heterosexism Enquirer was not being heterosexist in its warnings about the dangers of same-sex cyber dating. Although violence in same-sex relationships may not be as prevalent as it is within heterosexual ones, "removing the warning would imply that same-sex relationships are totally free from violence of any kind", thus rendering the violence that may exist dangerously invisible. If those who are abused in same sex relationships are not acknowledged as being abused, than it will "be so much more difficult for them to recognize the abuse, and to find the determination to end the cycle". It was suggested that pamphlets designed to educate people about spousal abuse are heterosexist in that they imply that all violence is perpetrated by men against women and that women should be protecting themselves from only men. With creativity & gender-neutral language, such pamphlets could be redesigned to be inclusive of all relationships, "implying that everyone has the right to a healthy existence".